General Motors Helpline

Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)

General Motors doesn't have a "Help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers But imagine if they did... HELP LINE: "General Motors Help line, How may I help you? CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!" HELP LINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition and turn it?" CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?" HELP LINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery to your engine." CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all these technical terms just to use my car? * * * * * * * * * * HELP LINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you? CUSTOMER: "My car ran for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!" HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?" CUSTOMER: "Huh? How would I know ?" HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E'to'F'. Where is the needle pointing?" CUSTOMER: "I see an 'E' but no 'F'." HELPLINE: "You see the 'E' and just to the right is the 'F'." CUSTOMER: "No, just to the right of the first 'E' is a 'V'." HELPLINE: "A 'V'." CUSTOMER: " Yeah, there's a 'C' an 'H',the first 'E',then then a 'V'followed by'R','O','L'..." HELPLINE: "No,no,no,sir! That's the front of the car! When you sit behind the steering wheel, that's the panel I'm talking about." CUSTOMER: "That steering wheel thingy- is that the round thing that honks the horn?" HELPLINE: " Yes, among other things." CUSTOMER: "The needle is pointing to 'E', What does that mean?" HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you." CUSTOMER: "What? I paid $12,000 for this car!Now your telling me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in !" * * * * * * * * * * HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how may i help you? CUSTOMER: "Your cars suck!" HELPLINE: "What's wrong?" CUSTOMER: "It crashed,That's what's wrong!" CUSTOMER: "I wanted to go faster, so i pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a little while,and then it crashed and now it won't even start up!" HELPLINE: "I'm sorry, sir, but it's your responsibility if you misuse the product." CUSTOMER: "Misuse it? I was just following this damned manual of yours. It says to make the car go to put the transmission in "D" and press the accelerator pedal. That's exactly what I did now the damned thing's crashed." HELPLINE: "Did you read the entire operator's manual before operating the car, sir?" CUSTOMER: "What? Of course I did ! I told you I did EVERYTHING the manual said and it didn't work!" HELPLINE: "Didn't you attempt to slow down so you wouldn't crash?" CUSTOMER: "How do you do THAT?" HELPLINE: "You said you read the entire manual, sir. It's on page 14.The pedal next to the accelerator. CUSTOMER: "Well, I don't have all day to sit around and read this manual, you know!" HELPLINE: "Of course not. What do you expect us to do about it?" CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest versions that goes faster and won't crash anymore!" * * * * * * * * * * HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car and i chose your car because it has automatic transmission , cruise control, power brakes and power door locks." HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?" CUSTOMER: "How do i work it?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?" CUSTOMER: "Do i know how to what?" HELPLINE: "Do you know how to DRIVE?" CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car !?

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