45 constructive ways to fail
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1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents"
2. Every 10 mins of your exam, get out of your seat, sing aloud and dance to "The Cheeky Song"
3. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a cow the teacher is.
4. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
5. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
6. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
7. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and sing "Jingle Bells" If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
8. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
9. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
10. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
11. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
12. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
13. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
14. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Screw this" and walk out triumphantly.
15. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
16. Show up completlely drunk.
17. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
18. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
19. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
20. Try to get people in the room to do a mexican wave.
21. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
23. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
24. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
25. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
26. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all year What's the deal? And who are YOU? Where's the regular guy?"
27. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up.
28. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
29. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper."
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31. Hum 70s hits off-key in a high-pitched nasal whine.
32. Eat the exam paper and then ask for another. Repeat process until thrown out.
33. Write in a made up language, then sign it 'Ali-Swami Bung-Bung Needlenardlenoo'.
34. Write the first part of the paper, than cover the rest of the paper in red ink, tear it, and write 'THE TIGER GOT ME'
35. Hold the paper at arms length and swish the pen back and forth over it. When the instructor arrives, show him the paper and say "She iz ze masterpiece, non?"
36. Jump from table to table singing Nursary rhymes.
37. Burst into tears, throw your chair and table across the exam hall, tear your paper up, snap your pens. Yell 'I can't take it anymore' and imediately take it out on the person next to you, or better still the invigilator.
38. Hold flags and try and communicate the answers in semphore.
39. Write one randomly choosen word repeatedly all over the paper.
40. Answer. 'Well If you don't know I don't see why I should help you'
41. On a proof write: "Well I wouldn't be asked to prove it if it was correct now would I?"
42. When asked to vary one value, vary a completely different one.
43. Scream out 'HULK NO LIKE EXAMS HULK SMASH' and pummel everything in sight until restrained.
44. If asked in a science paper to name one or more forces, put down 'The Almighty Bala-Jiin, we are mere servants to his will.'
45. Choose a famous company at random and plug it in every question, such as "The man will run 10 mph, but 12 mph if he wears Nike trainers".
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