AH GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED
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> > > > LEARNED:
> > > > 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise
> > > > cats.
> > > > 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her
> > > > brush your hair.
> > > > 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They
> > > > always catch the second
> > > > person.
> > > > 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a
> > > > tomato.
> > > > 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
> > > > 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
> > > > 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same
> > > > time.
> > > > 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of
> > > > milk.
> > > > 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white
> > > > shorts.
> > > > 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Granny's
> > > > lap.
> > > >
> > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
> > > > 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a
> > > > tree.
> > > > 2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
> > > > 3) Families are like fudge... mostly sweet, with a
> > > > few nuts.
> > > > 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that
> > > > held its ground.
> > > > 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on
> > > > the inside.
> > > > 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the
> > > > fibre, not the joy.
> > > >
> > > > GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
> > > > 1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
> > > > 2) Forget the health food. I need all the
> > > > preservatives I can get.
> > > > 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can
> > > > do while you're down
> > > > there.
> > > > 4) You're getting old when you get the same
> > > > sensation from a rocking chair
> > > > that you once got from a roller coaster.
> > > > 5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
> > > > but nobody bothers to ask
> > > > you the questions.
> > > > 6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy
> > > > beautician.
> > > > 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes
> > > > alone.
> > > >
> > > > THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
> > > > 1) You believe in Santa Claus.
> > > > 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
> > > > 3) You are Santa Claus.
> > > > 4) You look like Santa Claus.
> > > >
> > > > SUCCESS:
> > > > At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
> > > > At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
> > > > At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license.
> > > > At age 20 success is . . . having sex.
> > > > At age 35 success is . . . having money.
> > > > At age 50 success is . . . having money.
> > > > At age 60 success is . . . having sex.
> > > > At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
> > > > At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
> > > > At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
Submitted by mischief_child@hotmail.com 48
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