ASCII taunt
Rating:
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
As a public service, Gardner S. Trask III, president of the
_Internet Academy of ASCII Art_ will now interpret this post
for our hard-of-literacy viewers:
>"ABOUT three weeks ago, four days before Christmas,"
_________________________________________________________
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| De-scam-ber 1995 |
| |
|_______________________________________________________|
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | 1 | 2 |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
| | | | | | | |
| 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
| | | | | | | |
| 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 |
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
|_______|_______|_______|______||=======||______|_______|
| | | | || || | |
| 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 || ** 21 || 22 | 23 |
| | | | || Dead || | |
| |Chanukah | ||cat day|| | |
|_______|_______|_______|______|| ||______|_______|
| | | | ||=======|| | |
| 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
| | | | | | | |
| | X-Mas | << ------------ Kwanzaa ---------{ |
|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
| | |
| 31 | |
| | |
| }-->> | |
|_______|_______________________________________________|
>"I found what I thought was a dead cat out on the road in front of
> farmhouse."
~~~ ~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~ /
~~~~ | |
~~~ _____|__|_____
/^ ____ /
/ | | /
/ | | /
/ () | | /
/ | /
/ | / ---------------
/ ____ ____ | /| | /| /| |
/ | | | | | | / | / | |
/| | | | | | | | / | / | |
| | | | | | | | / | / | |
| ---- ---- | /| | / | / | |
| | / | |/ |/ | |
| | / | --------------- |
| ____ ______ | / | |
| | | | | | / | ---------------------- |
| | | |[][]| | / | | /| | |
| | | | | | /| | | / | (__) | |
| ---- | .| | | | | / | (o o) | |
| | | | | | | / | (..) moo |
| () | | | | | | / |____/____| |
| ( ) | | | | | | / | | |
|_( ~ )_|____|_| | | |/ | | |
________/______________________
______________________________________________________________________
_ ^^
~(__)(xx)
/ / -`~~
_____________________________________________________________________
>"The cat, a small black tabby, was not moving and contorted in a
> weird position (even for a cat!!!)"
__..--''``---....___ _..._ __
/// //_.-' .-/"; ` ``<._ ``.''_ `. / // /
///_.-' _..--.'x `( ) ) // //
/ (_..-' // (< x ;_..__ ; `' / ///
/ // // // `-._,_)' // / ``--...____..-' /// / //
>"Luckily, I heard a faint cry from
> the poor thing, which immediately sent me to the house for a blanket
> and box."
______________________
/ _ ,/| /| ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/ |'`o 0' _ / | ~ Ramada Inn ~
/ | =(_*_)= ( "Aak" / | ~ ~
/ | )U( _) / | blanket ~ * * ~
/ | / ( / | ~~ ****** ~~
_______(/`_')_________ X | ~ * * ~
| | P / ~ * * ~
| | / ~ ~
| | / ~ * ~
| Pixel-Stix Brand | / ~ ** * ~
| (r) | / ~ * * ~
| |/ ~~ ******* ~
|______________________| Box ~ ~~
~ ~__________~___
~ ~_~ ~
~ ~ ~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>"THE cat had obviously been run over by a car."
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ | _,,,---,,_
v^v^ /x`.-'`' -. ;-;;,_
v^v^ |x4- ) )-,_. , ( `'-'
v^v^ '---''(_/--' `-'_)
v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^
v^v^ v^v^ ( Like, who didn't see
v^v^ v^v^ this one coming? )
>"I immediately called the Humane Society to arrange for treatment.
> After describing the extent of the cat's injuries, the Humane Society
> could only prescribe one solution -Euthanasia. "
{ } { }
____ //
/
| () ()|
| |
'` /
| |
""
// ""
{ } { } )
^. ,. ~ ) __
T."-._..---.._,-"/| ~ ) ( )
l|"-. _.v._ (" | ~ ____________)__ ( )
[l /.'_ ; _~"-.`-t ___________/ | |---- )
Y " _(X} _{X)._ ^.| <___________| | | | | | | )
j T ,--. T ] _|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|---- )
l ( /-^- ) ! ! ) ( )
. . "~" ./ /c-..,__ ) (--)
^r- .._ .- .-" `- . ~"--. )
> . )
] ^.
3 . "> . Y
,.__.--._ _j ~ . ; |
( ~"-._~"^._ ^. ^._ I . l
"-._ ___ ~"-,_7 .Z-._ 7" Y ; _
/" "~-(r r _/_--._~-/ / /,.--^-._ / Y
"-._ '"~~~>-._~]>--^---./____,.^~ ^.^ !
~--._ ' Y---. ./
~~--._ l_ )
~-._~~~---._,____..---
~----"~
>"Now, while I'm not a typical "Bunny Hugger," somehow I
> could not bring myself to do this. What came next was a call to a
> private vet, who would mend "Lucky's" broken hip and treat her internal
> injuries."
>"OUR problem? The bill from the vet for surgery has totaled over $900."
____________________________________________________
| |
| Invioce Dr. Ima Fraud |
| 123 Scam Ave. |
| Shamsville |
|___________________________________________________|
| | | |
| | | |
| Take care of one cute little | | |
| cuddly kitten. Poor little | | |
| kitty cat had big bad boo boo. | | |
| Nice lady bring im in da puddy | | |
| tat. Nice lady now pay | | |
| exorbitant fees becaus um berry | | |
| mean vet won't cut 'em costs. | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| | | |
| Total | |$ 900 |
| | | |
_____________________________________________________
>"We initally thought that, since the vet's office knew of Lucky's plight,
> that some discount would be in order. After all was said and done,
> however, we were charged full price and told by the doctor that, since
> the clinic was part of a franchise, there was "nothing" he could do."
**
******
** **
** **
** All Day **
* *
* SUCKER!!! *
** **
** **
** **
*****
/{|}
/
/~~~~~~~
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
>"WE'RE asking all people with compassion for animals to send $1 to help
> us with Lucky's bill. "
.....
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
.. ..
. EVEN BIGGER .
. .
. ALL .
. .
.. DAY .. /-----------------------
.. .. / |
.. SUCKER !!!! .. / Sale Price: |
.. .. / || |
.. .. / $||$ 111 |
.. .. / $ || $ 1111 |
....... ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ $|| 11 11 |
/ || 11 |
/ ||$ 11 |
/~~~~~~~~~~ $ || $ 11 |
| | $||$ 11111111 |
| | || |
| | -----------------------
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
|__|
>" Initally, we were going to give Lucky away, but we have bonded with
> her during her care, and on Christmas, he gave me her as a present.
>
.
,'$$i
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$$$$$,?.$$><$$$$$$c`"?P",$$$$$$$$$$:F,$F
?$$$$$$$$$`$$$$$$$$$$$P?$$$$$$$$P"' "
$c$$$$$$$$$,?$$$$$$$$$$$$z, `"""'.,,,,,
`$$$$$$$$$$$,?$$$$$$$$$$$$$$=`,zd$ClcJ"
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J$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b= c$$$$,?$$PF""
" J$$?$$$$$$$$$P",d$$$$$$$$c-,u
?" ?$$";??",c$$$$$$$$$$$'c$$h.
"x$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P.d$$$h.
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,$L ,zd$$$$$$$$$$$$$hh??$PF',zd$$$$$$$$P$,
z$$" z$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'c$$$$$$$$$$$$$F`"
(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)
) **** | | ***** ( | | (
( * * | | ** *** ) | | )
)* * | | * * ( | | (
** * * |*****| * * * ) | | )
* * * ** ** * ( | | (
* **** *** ** * ) | | )
* *** * * ** * ( | | (
* ** * ** * *** ) | | )
)* **** ***** ** ** ( | | (
( *** * | | *** ) | | )
) *** | | ( | | (
( | | ) | | )
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
/----------------------------
/ To: My dear wife |
/ |
/ From: A cheap bastard |
/~~ that would give |
you a cat that |
you found anyways. |
|
Merry Christmas |
----------------------------
>"PLEASE send to -
___
> Lucky The Cat _.-| | |__/,| (`
> c/o ACME Catnip Co. { | | |o o |__ _) )
> Overdue Accounts Dept. "-.|___| _.( T ) ` /
> Shamsville, MI .--'-`-. _((_ `^--' /_<
> Attn: Ms. Grifter" .+|______|__.-||__)`-'(((/ (((/
>"WE apologize for posting this across USENET, but we felt that this
needed to be told."
"us"
/ /
/ / /
|| /
/ /
| | |/
r r^- -
|---- | |---/|
/ | | |
- - - - - ( / / ) - - - - - - -
- - - - - | | / - - - - -
__-----^----| |----^--#----+
H | | #
/ /
{ / *
-/ / 9 -
{ | | }
{ } { }
# ^ } { }
{ }-__---____-----#-{ }
{^_^} v{-_-} {*_*} v(0_0}
__________________________ End Article _______________________
We at the _Internet Academy of ASCII Art_ hope you heve benefited from
this pictoral rendition of this seasonal heartwarming tale. We ask however
that if you must be fleeced^H^H^H^H^H^H generous with your money, that you
consider enrolling in our Internet school. Admission is tight, but space
can be made for the students with enourmous asset^H^H^H^H^H talent.
Just fill out out easy to draw application form below.
Much thanks,
Gardner S. Trask III
President
(Special thanks to Dr. Science)
___________________________________________________
| | ___
| | ___
| _ Internet Academy of ASCII Art _ | ___
| | |
| |_________ |
| Draw "Ren" | |
| | | | |
| ,| |__ |
| f . ,- / | | |
| | _|f,,-/ |-. | | |
| ,'-. ,-. `. | | |
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| ,,-`-' `-' Y | joy! | | | |
| ,-'"""`-. ,--. I ,--' | | |
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| ....`--------`--------' ........... | | |
| | ||
|_________________________________________________|_||
| Close cover before stiking match | |
| ______ | |
| | |
|================================================ | |
|================================================ ||
|================================================ ||
|_________________________________________________||
--
Gardner S. Trask III trask@world.std.com
"First .cultured man on the Internet" alt.culture.gard-trask
rahubby@sonic.net - Elf of the redwoods, sez "I don't crosspost.
I post Followups to other people's Crossposted posts on occasion."
###
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