A Croatian Christmas
Rating:
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
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>Twas the night before Bozic and all through the kuca,
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>the air smelled of spicy sarma and rakija vruca.
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>By the dimnjak the slapice were hung kinda krivo,
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>In hopes that Sveti Nikola would soon bring some pivo.
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>Tata was in his soba he was snoring pretty hard,
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>Tired from stealing the tree from our neighbor's backyard.
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>Mama was in the basement cooking like a fool,
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>Adding just the right amount of Vegeta to the juha and fazol.
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>When out on the lawn there arose such galama,
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>Tata yelled from his room, koji je kurac vama
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>There was a knocking on the front door with such a loud barrage,
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>I yelled through the window "This is a Croatian house, come in through the garage"
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>And standing in the garage right next to my car,
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>Was my drunk Tetak Joza coming home from the bar.
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>"Ajde, odi spavat", I told him with might,
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>Don't ruin my chances of seeing Sveti Nikola tonight.
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>About 2 hours later I heard a noise downstairs,
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>So, I jumped from my krevet to see who was there.
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>Standing by the tree and eating some leftover pizza,
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>Was good ol' Sveti Nikola reeking of homemade sljivovica
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>He was all dressed in red and big as an ox,
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>And wore some brown sandale along with black socks.
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>Smelling like a gypsy that's been drinking for days,
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>He wasn't what I expected, I was actually amazed.
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>"U pizdu mater, kako mrzim ovaj posao", he said,
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>And then muttered something about his wife and how he wished she was dead.
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>He put the presents under the tree while whistling a Christmas beat,
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>They were wrapped up kinda shitty with paper bags from Ottawa Street.
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>12 carape for me and 12 for my brother,
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>3 pairs of gace for my dad and a can of turska kava for my mother.
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>This Croatian Santa was crooked, he was nothing like the fable,
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>I should of known it when he swiped my pack of smokes from the table.
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>I yelled "Hey" as Sveti Nikola turned around like a car,
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>Throwing his slapa at me as if it were a ninja star.
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>The look in his eyes was nothing but fright,
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>He said "Jebo ti pas mater" and dashed out of sight.
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>Up through the dimnjak I heard a loud shriek,
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>Sveti Nikola had just farted like some wild bik.
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>He got in his kaput, made for hladne zime,
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>And he yelled at his jelene, ime po ime.
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>"Naprijed Marko i Darko, Petar i Ante,"
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>"Ajde Josip i Nenad, Ivo i Mate."
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> And then he yelled, "Ajdemo brzo, moramo poc,"
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>"Sretan Bozic svima i svima laku noc"
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Submitted by crogrl182@hotmail.com 14
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