1 a a It is not a poem but what I feel........
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I have been hiding from myself and everybody else for about 8 years... Tonight I just told my soon to be husband who I really am....
I have been hiding under a mask of happiness, deluding myself, trying to tell myself that I was happy, and normal... When I was in JR High I lived with my father and his wife, Teresa. It was horrible, not only was my father abusive but my step mom was overdosing me with all sorts of prescription drugs (i have ADHD and i guess she couldnt handle it). She told me all these lies, about pretty much anything and everything trying to me think that my mom was a horrible person, that I was a horrible person, it traumatized me...... Anyway to go on, I told my mom what was happening and she tryed to get costody of me, well to make a long story short, it took 3 years to actully be me back with my mom....
I can't even describe all the things that happened to me during this time mainly because it would take forever that and I really don't feel like it. But anyway during I thought of suicide pretty much the whole time while living with my dad... At the time I really didn't know much about suicide but I was so far lost in drepression that all I wanted to do is die...... I tryed so many times.... Everytime I couldn't do it I felt even worse for not being able to pull it off....
Now I am sitting here writing this story.... For the past 8 years everybody has known me as a very happy person that is never sad, well the truth is that in those past 8 years I have never truly been happy........ Nobody even had a clue what I felt and so do feel, and probably never will. For the past 8 years I have been questioning myself trying to figure out why I still am alive..... Not a single day goes by where I don't question suicide as a way out of this whole thing. I should be happy, I have tons of friends, I am pretty, from the outside I look like everbody else, on the inside I am screaming for help.... I have dug myself sooooooooo deep I can't get out, I am at about 6 feet now...................
Submitted by hyper_108@hotmail.com 57
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