ames!
Rating: Not Rated
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again
I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
I can see your point, but I still think you're full of it.
What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
His teeth are brighter than he is.
No, my powers can only be used for good.
We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Who me? I just wander from room to room.
I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
I might be short but your ugly and I still have time to grow
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
I have a computer, a vibrator, pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
Stress is when you wake up screaming you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees then name streets after them.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You... Off my planet
Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
And which dwarf are you?
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.
And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Allow me to introduce my selves.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.
I plead contemporary insanity.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
Meandering to a different drummer.
The difference between this company and a cactus plant is that the plant has pricks on the outside.
May your daughters' hair grow thick, black, and abundant -- all over their faces. May your children be so famous every policeman knows them.
May the Fleas of a Thousand Camels infest one of your Erogenous Zones.
If Jesus was Jewish, why does he have a Spanish name?
Make love, not war.
Heck, do both - get married
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her.
Bad spellers untie
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
If you can piss this high, join the fire department. On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet.
Beauty is only a light switch away.
If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.
To do is to be. -Descartes
To be is to do. -Voltaire
Do be do be do. -Frank Sinatra
God is dead. -Nietzsche
Nietzsche is dead. -God
A Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
JESUS SAVES But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
Congress
Sign over one of the urinals.
Express Lane: Five beers or less
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom
No wonder you always go home alone.
If they dont have chocolate in heaven, i aint going
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
i once had a friend.... but his leash broke and he ran away
its national moron week im sooo glad to see u participating
god created men first cause u always need a rough draft b4 u make a masterpiece
its a gurls world and guys just live in it
dream as if u'll live foreva, live as if u'll die tomorrow
an answer to that nagging question I LET THE DOGZ OUT
im sorry, did it look like i was listening
go away, i have enough friends already
im blonde, wats ure excuse?
im a genius undercover, the blonde hair is just for secret identity
there are 3 kinds of ppl, 1 who can count and 1 who cant
im not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
a few fries short of a happy meal now r we?
i am who i am today because of the choices i made yesterday
i was once blind..... but i opened my eyes and im not anymore
i am actually quite pleasant...till i'm awake
not the brightest crayon in the box now r we?
dont look at me in that tone of voice
i dont swim in ure toilet so don pee in my pool
im not weird im gifted
its not an attitude, its the way im am
my door is always open so feel free to leave anytime
if u mess with the best u'll go down with the rest
I didn't lie, I altered the truth to fit my mood
Going to church does not make you a Christian anymore than going to McDonalds makes you a hamburger
the harder u fall, the higher u bounce
hard work never killed anyone but why risk it
are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion
i dont suffer from insanity i enjoy every minute of it
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly
U Were Born Original, Dont Die A Copy
You have to put up with the rain to catch the rainbow'
If YoU cAn'T tAkE tHe PaIn, DoN't PlAy ThE gAmE
Normal people worry me
Silence is golden...but shouting is fun
If you’ve met me, you’ll worry, If you know me you’ll smile.
Gone crazy Back soon
AvErAgE pEoPlE dO aVeRaGe ThInGs...WhO wAnTs tO bE aVeRaGe
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem
Of all the things I’ve lost. I miss my mind the most
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run…he hates that
A friend is someone who will bail you out of prison. A best friend is the one sitting beside you saying, "Damn that was fun”
Everyone has the power to make someone happy, some by entering the room, others by leaving it
Love is like tug-o-war.......one jerk after another
It wouldn't be called a crush if it didn't hurt
I got lost in thought....it was unfamiliar territory
Never take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway
My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone
I'm so great, I'm Jealous of myself
if u can't amaze people with ur intelligence, confuse them with ur bullshit
Don't play dumb I'm better at it then you
Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe
Whats meant to happen will eventually happen.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Life is a lesson, you'll learn it when your through.
B=BEAUTIFUL I=INTELLIGENT T=TALENTED C=CHARMING H IS FOR HARD IM GOING TO HIT YOU FOR CALLING ME A BITCH
Why must i be surounded by frickin' idiots?
what goes around, usually gets dizzy and falls over
I'm multi-talented...I can talk and piss you off at the same time
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
DiD iT lOoK LiKe I cArEd?¿?....OoPs LeT mE tRy AgAiNo
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions.
You confuse me……
Hey look on the bright side... not everyone hates you as much as i do..
I love you, you love me we're a happy family ... can it Barney
Pms: A chance for ladies to act like guys do all the time
The worst thing in life is to be without is love, but toilet
paper is a close second
Sometimes I talk to myself because sometimes I'm the only one I'll listen to
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence showing you tried
Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive, anyway
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
Blame someone else and get on with your life
The truth hurts, but lies kill
I could die at any minute. the tragedy, is that I don’t
I'm trying to see from ur point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my
IF THERE IS NO GOD, WHO POPS UP THE NEXT KLEENEX¿?
Never say sorry for something you meant to do
ur like an egg...u crack me up
if you can't convince them, confuse them
A hard thing about business is minding your own
If you're falling off a cliff, you might as well try to fly; you've got nothing to lose
Stand up for what you feel is right... even if you're standing alone
The way I see it is the more people that hate me, the less people i have to try and please
Thinking is a powerful thing. Power is dangerous. I'm not allowed to play with dangerous things, therefore I don't think
I don't care what you think about me cause it can't be half as bad as what I think of you
We live in an age where pizza comes to our house faster than the police
DoNt PuT wOrDz iN mY mOuTh CuZ i GoT pLeNtY tO SaY
if ArSeHoLeS CoUlD FlY tHiS pLaCe WoUlD BE An aIrPoRt
I am not violent. I just have a nervous twitch
I was drunk... what's you excuse?
Guys are like toilets, either engaged or full of shit
I hope life isn't one big joke... cuz, I don't get it
Don’t follow in my footsteps, I run into walls.
It’s not “When Animals Attack”, it’s more like “When Stupid People Get Bit”
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn’t
IM not a blonde ...... but there is a problem
only adults have difficulty with child proof bottles
I knew I was a nut the day the squirrel started looking at me funny
Im not smiling at u ……im trying not to laugh
I love u so mu……WOW A bird
if bein hott were a sport i'd be playin varsity
In life, only one person gets to shine, so move outta my way, you're blocking my light
Whoever said that money can't buy happiness, anit been shoppin at the right malls
I have a confession…..i must confess…..i have been told I’m the absolute best
If you Sprinkle when you Tinkle be a sweetie and wipe the seatie
Im not coming bak to you so hunny cry, me a river, I Aint apolagizing
When god made me …..he was just showing off
4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
Don't call me a GODDESS, Don't call me a QUEEN, Just call me the cutest PRINCESS you've ever seen
I still have issues
I hate u Wait...thats not very nice-
I DISLIKE u VERY greatly
Smoking can really kill a person......
u should try it someday
one by one the garden nomes slowly steal my sanity
(U aRe So OfF mY bUdDy LiSt
100 cute 100 sexy 100 perfect 100 modest
I do it because I can
I can because I want to
I want to because you said I couldn't
never slap a guy.....
if he does anything to desevre a slap,
just give him an all out beating
REMINDER: hating me won't make you pretty
I love...ummm lets see...basketball
u thought i wuz ganna say u to bad
People say life is short. I say I'm shorter.
Not You, Not Now, Not EVER
?¿ DonT AsK Me HarD QuEsTiOnS ?¿
DO NOT mess da hair,
I love my hair and I dont want it to b messed up
I will not think of boys
I will not think of boys
I will not think of boys...
wow that guy is hot
It's called skill, get some
sO mAnY BoYs » sO LiTtLe TiMe....
FoUnD ThE RiGhT oNe
bUt hE CaN NeVeR Be MiNe
Ok, ok ,ok ,ok i understand...
Wait, what?
why are you reading this ?? who do you think you are ?
judge me all you want but keep the verdict to yourself
Juries still out
I love you you you you
I don’t hate anybody…..except u….and u ……yuk and u ……ewe……and u …….and omg I really hate u
We All Make Mistakes........
But Why'd Mine Have To Be So Huge????
I aM wHo I aM....gEt OvEr It
Its not like I wanted to be the one holding your hand...
I just didn't want her holding it...
Girls go to college to get more knowledge Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider
I smile b-cuz I have no idea what is going on
See my haylo Bright n shiny Mess wid mee I'll kick ure hiney
If U Want Me To Fall 4 U... U Gotta Give Me Sumthin Worth Trippin Ova
I taught you everything you know but not everything I KNOW
You just lost the one chance you never had
he broke my heart, so i broke his jaw
what a shame...looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks
Mystify people with your intelligence, and if u cant do that, mystify them with your Bullshit
Friends don’t let friend get drunk and take home ugly men
Once Upon a Time Something Happened To me It was the Sweetest Thing That ever could be It was a Fantasy A dream Come True It was the Day i Met You
I ran into my ex the other day.... put in reverse, AND HIT HIM AGAIN
IF YOU HATE ME, I LOVE YOU TOO IT AIN'T MY FAULT IM CUTER THAN YOU
CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE"
Yes…..it did hurt when I fell from heaven
To catch me, you gotta be fast; to find me, you gotta be smart; but to BE ME DAMN You must be kidding
When you were born, you were cryin and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
I had a dream that i still loved u I THINK I WOKE UP SCREAMING
im not a tease im just a reminder of what you cant have
Imagine ur life without me…miserable huh???
Don't go for looks, they deceive, don't go for money, wait, go for money then when its gone, move on to the next guy
never fall in love with the guy next door....trust me he will move
I DON'T THINK I AM HOT ...BUT IT'S WUT UR MAN KEEPS ON TELLING ME
I asked God for a flower he gave me a garden
I asked for a tree he gave me a forest
I asked for a river he gave me an ocean
I asked for a friend he gave me you
never fight with an ugly personthey have nothing to lose
your village just called……there missing their idiot
I like your boyfriend
I didn’t ask to be a princess …but hey if the crown fits……
I didn’t ask to be a princess….i asked to be QUEEN
Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight, you can have it when I'm done
Think highly of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate
I dont have an Attitude Problem...Its supposed to be like this
I Must Be Wishin' On Someone Else's Star, Because SHE Keeps Gettin' What I'm Wishin' For
I look for a man wit a V.C.R... Very Cute Rear
My door is Always open, so feel free to leave
If u don’t like the way I drive ……get off the sidewalk
Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh
La La La I'm Not Listening To you And I Never Will
This is an inside joke and ur on the outside
Ive alwayz got somethin 2 say, u dont like it stay outta my way
I still miss my ex....but my aims improving
Im wanted, Im hot, Im everything your not
life is a fairytail you just have to get past the evil step mother part
Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
First God created man...THEN HE HAD A BETTER IDEA
Half the people here envy me...and the other half...who cares?
You Can Think Ur Prettier than Me..Its Okay to Lie to Yourself Everyonce in awhile
It's not called showing off, it's called you being mad because you can't do it
I haven't found my Mr. Right Just Mr. Rude Mr. He thinks he looks better than me and Mr. Gives a new meaning to P-I-G
wit an x and an o this lil chick has gots to go
When all else fails, look cute
Guys suck..but they're so DARN cute
This is an "A, B" conversation, so "C" your way out
normal people worry me
you laugh at me because im different……I laugh at you because ur all the same
I don’t believe the rumours about you…..there’re completely different from the one I started
CaNcel My Subscrptions..
..I'M oVeR uR iSsUeS..
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill.
Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
When in doubt, throw him out
THE ONLY PERSON CUTER THAN ME IS MY REFLECTION
Poof Be Gone
Your Breath Is Too Strong
Poof Come Back
I Found A Tic-tac
Still Looking..... but You'll Do For Now
What trailer park did you grow up in?¿?¿?¿
tHe rOaD tO sUcCeSs iS aLwAyS uNdEr construction
My imagionary friend thinks you have serious mental problems..
itz only funny until someone getz hurt...then itz hilarious
How many hot, rich, funny, sweet guys are there out there?
......two, but they're dating each other
Don't judge what your small mind cannot comprehend
my mom told to me never take candy from strangers, but strangers have the best darn candy
I’m sorry…..idd I look like I was listening
DiDjA kNoW tHaT iM iNvIsIbLe?.....BuT oNlI wHeN nO-1's ArOuNd
Go away ....I have enough friends all ready
I'm Blonde, what's ur excuse?
Fact: If you ever hurt me...you get it back 10 times worse...
I’m so great I’m jealous of myself
Dont hate this girl, hate that one
.:.Don't flatter yourself....I was looking at your friend.:.
live free, die proud.
have fun, play loud
Dont interupt me when I'm talking to myself.
The voices in my head don't like you.
OMG You killed him How much do I owe u?
I ReFuSe 2 sTaR iN YoUr PsYcHo DrAmA
don't underestimate the knowledge of stupid people
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes
out?"
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there...I'm
gonna eat the next thing that comes out of it's bum."
Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut,
why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your Obstetrician/Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if he is going to look up there anyway?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs
What do you call male ballerinas?
If Wile E. Coyote from the Road Runner show had enough money to buy
all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables,then what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star and Baa Baa Black Sheep all have the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but
call it a hemorrhoid when it's on the outside of your a--?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?
Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first
place?
If you tell a joke, and no one laughs, was it really a joke?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If you tell a man that there are 30 billion stars in the universe, he will believe you. But if you tell him the park bench was just painted, he will have to touch it to be sure.
Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye... then its a sport
Blonde Ambition is better than Natural Stupidity
I know Kung Fu, Karate, and 47 other dangerous words
When someone tells you nothing is impossible, tell them to try and dribble a football
I try to think, but nothing happens
I may not be a blonde but I sure am dumb
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