1. In the company of feminists, coitus should be referred to as:
   1. Lovemaking
   2. Screwing
   3. The pigskin bus pulling into tuna town
2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
   1. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
   2. Your blood-test results
   3. Five tequila slammers
3. You time your orgasm so that:
   1. Your partner climaxes first
   2. You both climax simultaneously
   3. You don't miss SportsCenter
4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   1. Healthy, creative love-play
   2. Not the sort of thing your wife would ever agree to
   3. Not the sort of thing your wife need ever find out about
5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
   1. The best part of the experience
   2. The second best part of the experience
   3. $100 extra
6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in weight in the last month. You tell her that it is:
   1. No concern of yours
   2. Not a problem - she can join your gym
   3. A conservative estimate
7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
   1. A myth
   2. An oxymoron
   3. A moron
8. Foreplay is to sex as:
   1. Appetizer is to entree
   2. Priming is to painting
   3. A long line is to an amusement park ride
9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
   1. "I hope we can still be friends."
   2. "I'm not in right now. Please leave a message after the tone..."
   3. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You."
10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    1. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
    2. Is uptight and a waste of time
    3. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

Results

• If you answered 'A' more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
• If you answered 'B' more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're still a little confused.
• If you answered 'C' more than 7 times, call me up - Hard men are good to find!