Do-It-Yourself Country Western Song Kit
Rating:
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
| 1 | 2 | 3 |
|---|---|---|
| on the highway | in September | that purple dress |
| in Sheboygan | at McDonald's | that little hat |
| outside Fresno | ridin' shotgun | that burlap bra |
| at a truck stop | wrestlin' gators | those training pants |
| on probation | all hunched over | the stolen goods |
| in a jail cell | poppin' uppers | that plastic nose |
| in a nightmare | sort of pregnant | the Stassin pin |
| incognito | with joggers | the neon sign |
| in the Stone Age | stoned on oatmeal | that creepy smile |
| in a treehouse | with Merv Griffin | the hearing aid |
| in a gay bar | dead all over | the boxer shorts |
She was [4] [5]
| 4 | 5 |
|---|---|
| sobbin' at the toll booth | in the twilight |
| drinkin' Dr. Pepper | but I loved her |
| weighted down with Twinkies | by the off-ramp |
| breakin' out with acne | near Poughkeepsie |
| crawlin' through the prairie | with her cobra |
| smellin' kind of funny | when she shot me |
| crashin' through the guardrail | on her elbows |
| chewin' on a hangnail | with Led-Zeppelin |
| talkin' in Swahili | with Miss Piggy |
| drownin' in the quicksand | with a wetback |
| slurpin' up linguini | in her muu-muu |
and I knew [6]; [7] I'd [8] forever;
| 6 | 7 | 8 |
|---|---|---|
| no guy would ever love her more | I promised her | stay with her |
| that she would be an easy score | I knew deep down | warp her mind |
| she'd bought her dentures in a store | She asked me if | swear off booze |
| that she would be a crashing bore | I told her shrink | change my sex |
| I'd never rate her more than "4" | The judge declared | punch her out |
| they'd hate her guts in Baltimore | My Pooh Bear said | live off her |
| it was a raven, nothing more | I shrieked in pain | have my rash |
| we really lost the last World War | The painters knew | stay a dwarf |
| I'd have to scrape her off the floor | A Klingon said | hate her dog |
| what strong deodorants were for | My hamster thought | pick my nose |
| that she was rotten to the core | The blood test showed | play "Go Fish" |
| that I would upchuck on the floor | Her rabbi said | salivate |
She said to me [9]; But who'd have thought she'd [10] [11];
| 9 | 10 | 11 |
|---|---|---|
| our love would never die | run off | with my best friend |
| there was no other guy | wind up | in my Edsel |
| man wasn't meant to fly | boogie | on a surfboard |
| that Nixon didn't lie | yodel | on "The Gong Show" |
| her basset hound was shy | sky dive | with her dentist |
| that Rolaids made her high | turn green | on her "WorkMate" |
| she'd have a swiss on rye | freak out | with a robot |
| she loved my one blue eye | blast off | with no clothes on |
| her brother's name was Hy | make it | at her health club |
| she liked "Spy vs. Spy" | black out | in a Maytag |
| that birthdays made her cry | bobsled | with her guru |
| she couldn't stand my tie | grovel | while in labor |
[12] goodbye.
| 12 |
|---|
| You'd think at least that she'd have said |
| I never had the chance to say |
| She told her fat friend Grace to say |
| I now can kiss my credit cards |
| I guess I was too smashed to say |
| I watched her melt away and sobbed |
| She fell beneath the wheels and cried |
| She sent a hired thug to say |
| She freaked out on the lawn and screamed |
| I pushed her off the bridge and waved |
| But that's the way that pygmies say |
| She sealed me in the vault and smirked. |
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