1 A lesson well learned.
Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
I was so depressed. I would come home every night and take it out on the people I love. I did not mean to. It was the way people made me feel inside. Everything was contaminated by the bitter thoughts inside my head and it felt like a ticking time-bomb. I kept asking myself “why?” and the answer would always be “it must be my own fault”. Was I trying too hard? Maybe I was a bit obnoxious, a little two faced, though I had the sense to not be. I felt I needed to prove to people that this is who I am and was trying to stray away from what I knew was right. I felt the most happy when I believed I had reached the top, I felt like people respected me because all I wanted to do was show it them back. I had my circle of friends and I did go hang out and try things like smoking and graffiti. Who was I trying to impress? This was not the “me” I wanted, it was the influence of peer pressure and the constant must impress the crowd attitude that took over my personality. I did not care anymore. I stopped doing homework, study and wasted class time by gossiping, even if it was rumours which weren’t true. Anyway I thought that I had true friends but when I reached a point in time when I needed their support the most I realised I had been so naive. First of all I did sexual things with a couple of guys and I thought I would confide in them but I had made a mistake telling them, word gets around parents find out their little girl is not the innocent child she once was. I was a dirty girl after that: secretly the tarts were all virgins. The reputation is a hard thing to shed as people still call me a “ho” and maybe I deserved it I don’t know, but I feel that after 2 years people would continue with their own sad lives or move onto their next victim. Maybe not. I just wanted to let people know that however you choose to act please be true to yourself because I learned the hard way. I just wanted to say even though this was quite a traumatic 2 years I found out who my real friends were, those who stuck by me through thick and thin. I love you guys you know who you are. This might be the last few weeks we spend together as we are leaving school very soon and I will definitely miss you all. I did not find that self harming was the answer, it was the kind support and the lesson I learned, I did it I survived school. All I needed was a little faith, courage and determination. I will laugh when the bullies serve me at McDonalds or will sweep the ground I walk upon. In fact I admire my bullies for turning me into a better person.
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