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Thought I'd let my doctor check me
'cause I didn't feel quite right.
All those aches and pains annoyed me,
and I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder,
but he wouldn't let it rest.
What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
wouldn't hurt to do some tests.
To the hospital he sent me,
'though I didn't feel that bad.
He arranged for them to give me
every test that could be had.
I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
my aging frame displayed,
strapped on an ice-cold table
while my gizzards were x-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites,
for fungus and the crud.
Then they shoved long needles in me,
taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came and checked me over,
probed and pushed and poked around,
and to make sure I was living,
had me wired up for sound.
And for now they have concluded,
their results have filled a page.
What I have will surely kill me.
My affliction is old age!
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