15 Rules of Electronics at Kmart
Inspirational
Rating: PG
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
2. The DVD players on the display shelf are the actual units sold to customers, just displayed for you to look at. If you want to put a parental lock on a DVD player, first purchase the boxed DVD player, then mess with it.
3. If I am helping a customer check out, do not speak to me until I am
finished with the transaction. Failure to obey this rule will result
in the words "I'm helping another customer and I will be able to help
you only once I'm through."
4. If you come seeking sale items on Saturday night at 9:30, and we
have none, that is your own problem for being too lazy to get your out of bed earlier in the day.
5. If you think an item advertised is good enough to warrant a purchase, so does the rest of the consumer population. When we have sold all of the ad merchandise, you are sht out of luck. Nothing in my power allows me to teleport, create, or by any other means get you your item. If I had the power to do so, I would not be working here and I would be so rich that YOU would be my slave.
6. Arguing the rules of my job will get you nowhere. I am willing to risk losing my job to 0 customers.
7. I have no fing idea what kind of battery your 1989 –ish cordless phone uses. Bring the damn old battery in or buy a new phone for 15.
8. The fing film and fing cameras are at the fing film/camera counter. Duh Hence the name...
9. I can give you a rain check for something that we are out of stock of. No, I don't have any idea when it will be in, and no, I don't know if the other store or if the store 60 miles away in Ohio has it in stock either.
10. Contrary to popular belief, I do not know every damn movie title on the shelf or if we have it in stock. Like I said, if I had memorization skills that sharp I would not be working here. And, by the way, no we don't have a movie title look-up computer like Best Buy. Do you really think Kmart is THAT high tech?
11. Sorry Granny, but I do not know the title of the new rap song your 12 year old grand daughter hears on the radio all of the time. Thusly, I do not do your shopping for you. Find the damn CDs yourself. You ever heard of that thing called the alphabet or wasn't it invented back when you were in school?
12. All returns at the damn service desk. I don't care if at Wal-Mart they take returns at their electronics counter.
13. Yes, you must pay for electronics purchases at my register and not up front. It will not kill your fingers to write an extra check at front checkouts. Thank your fellow man for this. Because of him stealing every goddamn thing imagine even my pen that you borrowed to fill out your check, we have resorted to this.
14. The sign hanging out in the parking lot as you drove in reads "Super Kmart." Last time I checked it did not say "Wal-Mart" on there anywhere. Kmart doesn't care what Wal-Mart does and vice versa. (and BTW, do not whine that we do not accept checks made out to "Wal-Mart" either).
15. Last but not the least...Don't use the "no wonder you guys are going out of business" line on us. It depresses us, frustrates us, and royally pisses us off. Customers: imagine us saying "no wonder you smell like sht" any time we were upset with you. For those of you too dense to understand KMART is NOT going OUT of BUSINESS. We have cleared the bankruptcy thing, which was principally caused by former execs stealing money and being total douche bag leaders.
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