1 1 1 1 1 a a a a a a a a a a a a my poems are finally out. by: marisa
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feelin like sht,
mayb ill never forget.
then a sudden rush,
as the blood starts to gush.
it's not usually this bad,
wow im really not sad.
emotions change so much,
my wrist sure is rough to the touch.
so much on my mind,
lookin for answers i cannot find.
at the same time it's blank,
too many ppl to hate, not enough to thank.
or i could thank them for the hate,
they are the ones who decided my fate.
i was taught God decided that...
yeah he's also the one who made me fat.
too much to take,
my brain needs a break.
i hate you, i love you,
to much drama to go thru.
i may love you, but i hate me,
you're just too sheltered to see...
that the face i see in front of me,
makes me sick and dizzy.
i go from happy to sad,
from mad to glad,
an awful lot,
i try to stay happy but i'm just not.
i miss what i used to be,
so f-ing happy.
this is what i've become,
so f-ing dumb.
and sometimes im suprised...
when i look at my own eyes,
i've changed so much this year...
and it's end is coming near...
after i started 9th grade,
my faith in God began to fade.
i guess i stopped praying,
it's hard to believe what i'm saying.
what happened to me?
i used to be so happy...
so far from eight months ago,
i feel so dam low.
i wonder if i'll ever be ok,
i will be, but then again no way.
i guess im kinda pathetic,
i mean im not balemic or anorexic
im not addicted to alcohol or drugs..
im not in with the goths or thugs..
but about my cutting..
is something i wont be forgeting
its gotten pretty dam/ bad.
it makes all my friends feel bad,
probably scares them too,
like a scream when i go boo.
but on a deeper level...
cuz of that little sharp peice of metal,
everyone wants to talk and ask why,
i wanna say f you and just walk right by
but of course i listen to each one,
and think about how much fun...
it will be to go home and do it.
in their honor and be thru it.
i lose a few friends...
no1 wants to make ammends,
but when a friendship ends..
another begins.
i don't think i'll stop,
till my vain goes "POP"
and that will be cool,
haha no more school.
one day the scars are pretty,
then the next they make me feel shtty..
they suprise me, despise me, and make me cry,
and why i do it, i'll never know why.
sometimes i want to be done,
but then again it's so fun...
makes me feel better..
i'm writin myself a letter.
dear marisa,
you're ugly and uh...
alot of other things,
dont you wish you had wings?
then you could fly away,
and forget about yesterday.
all the people that broke your heart,
and forget never being very smart.
you would be free,
to scream yipeee
take off the mask that you wear,
be you, finally let down your hair.
and in this fantasy,
you'd really be happy.
and the only one there,
would be phil, i swear.
this is the end of this note,
don't ever sink, try to float.
keep going, don't give in,
forget about who you've been.
and be who you are right now,
you will forget how.
God was your everything,
he made you want to sing.
eventually you'll die,
and you know people will cry.
but by then ..
you will have lost every friend.
don't get attatched to anyone ever,
they'll betray you forever.
see you later marisa,
i hate you, you know it, duh
my letter is already sent,
not crumpled, torn, or bent.
but in the back of my mind,
still looking for what i cannot find.
still pssed of at him,
as you just lost him as a friend.
but love him just the same,
just tryin to forget his name.
trying to let life work itself out,
with out screaming the shout.
or cutting up the arm,
whats up with all the self harm.
well this is the end...
nothing to give, nothing to lend.
just telling it how it is...
even tho it's still not your buisness.
thanks, um email if you want and tell me whatcha think. check our my others.
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