1 A Story Of My Old Life
Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
It started when I was 13. I suppose I wanted to fit in with my friends. I was having a diffcult time you know people always picked on me as I was an easy target, I was too nice I never really dissed people and I couldn't stick up for myself as much as I wanted. I can't do it verbally but if anyone could provoke me they'd get hurt physically. I wanted to try new things this girl Faye was supposedly sleeping around, smoking, had a great sense of humour and she was a friend. Not a proper one oh no she made it hard for me she was a btch and kept falling out with everyone putting on a crying act to make everyone to think I was in the wrong. I wanted to get away from her group so I went separate ways for a while. I made friends with some other girls but kept with my cousin Nicola even though she was Fayes supposed best mate.
I used to hang out on the park every night after that. I made friends with a girl called Becky and Sarah and they had a friend called Kylie. We all went shopping together as 4 best mates. One day we all planned a great fancy dress party for halloween at the park. We all dressed as ho's makeup, devil horns and miniskirts you know I was the tall slim pretty one and the other three were fat. There was this guy who hung out at the park and I saw him around playing football he was called Nick two years older than me and he had blonde hair blue eyes. I think the other three liked him too but I wanted to get to know him but I was shy so I never really saw him. Until that night at the halloween thing. He was taking his brother trick or treating and my friend told him that I fancied him. He came over to me and we started chatting and he took me behind the slide and he kissed me, that was my first proper kiss with a guy. And I didn't know him at all. Thats when I decided I'd have to go for a little walk around with him and get to know more than just his name. So I'd ditched my mates for him how cruel of me. Jealousy plays a part in this. They spread rumours and interfered in my bit of fun with this guy and completely ruined it. It finished because of a stupid rumour and I apologise I cannot tell you what it was because it is sick. Those girls created so much crap for me at school and so I stopped hanging around with them. People to this day still believe that rumour and I apologised to my mates for being a little ho that night but I'll never forget what happened. Did I deserve it was that my punishment I don't know.
Moving on a few months later I was back hanging around with my cousin and Faye. It was still hard for me to deal with all the bullsht at school but I was strong, I had to be. I had a disgusting reputation of something that never happened daresay it involved an egg so thats what they called me "Eggy" for 2 and a half years or more but it's sick so I won't go there. We all went to the cinema one night to watch oceans eleven and faye was going out with this guy called daniel. He was perving on me all the way through the film and at the same time he was supposed to be making out with faye. I didn't like daniel at all in that way and he had a reputation for being a pervert I hated sitting next to him in the cinema as he made it obvious he fancied me and looking down my top and it gave him a... Well a few weeks later I went for a walk with Faye, Daniel and fayes brother. Once again he told me that he had another... because of me and I was so disgusted like he was supposed to be fayes boyfriend. On the way home he promised to walk me back and it rained and we got completely soaked. We stopped underneath a bridge for a bit while the rain cooled off a little. He was begging for me to give him a kiss I refused but eventually I thought what's the harm in giving him one just to shut him up. I never thought it would have been that huge a kiss but I felt guilty he was fayes man plus I found daniel physically unattractive but I flirted with him (as I am a flirt) and he perved on me so I just went with the flow. When I got home I let him come in and thats where he begged me to give him a blow job and guess what I did but I was so scared of what he'd do and say he had a power over me or something. I was so guilty as he was my mates boyfriend. I was so upset what I had done I told him never to tell anyone what happened but did he listen? NO. He even invented a rumour that he paid me I was so disgusted and I have this huge reputation. I suppose it is my fault, my punishment.
I haven't told you this one either have I what mistake I made. Being completely honest gives people the right to see what I used to be back then. I had a friend called Laura who lived down the street. I had been a btch all my life to her and we all used to gang up on her. Faye made her life a misery as she did all of us in that gang. It was me laura, faye and my cousin and we used to fall out all the time. Anyway Laura had met a guy at the hospital and she had planned to meet up with him and asked me if I'd come along you know for safety. She's another fat girl and not exactly the prettiest girl but she is a bit of a tart. I played shy girl and he liked me I think more than Laura he claimed he wanted to just be mates with us both. We were 13 and he was 16. She gave him her number and I gave him mine as friends call and text don't they. I never knew that night he would try and get me to come out and meet up with him. Laura liked him and she wasn't coming out so he asked me instead. I said no but would try and see him the next day or something. So I'd lied and sneaked around just to meet up with him. When he told me he hated Laura and was crazy about me I was guilty but he kissed me and it just felt so right. I was making out with him on a bench in a graveyard. I didn't want to see him behind lauras back but im a bitch. Anyway I decided to meet him in town (the day after the daniel thing happened) and you know go shopping have a laugh sort of thing. Then I made the biggest mistake of my life, he knew I was a virgin and I was thinking about losing it but not 100 percent sure. But he's took me to a nice private spot and he did it there, it was so painful and not nice at all. I felt dirty or was that just the mud off the grass? He did that thing where you take it out before you come so he told me there was no way I'd be having a baby. I never thought about STIs or anything else. I thought it would make me a different person but I felt really weird after that. I knew I had to tell someone so I confided in Faye and my cousin. By lunch at school everyone knew and reckoned I was having a baby but I wasn't but I wasn't a virgin and I had done the dirty with daniel so thats my little slt reputation. I also had the little egg thing hanging over me too so I really wasn't made out to be a nice girl. All I wanted to do was cry I'd come home so depressed I hated what i'd done. I'd lied to my friends and my family and I had to do the right thing. I had to concentrate on my education, stop hanging out and no boys. I have completely changed into a different girl. By being with boys at such a young age made me realise how you need to be more mature to cope with such a huge thing. I stopped hanging around with my old friends and found new ones but my cousin will be there for me and she knows that I am a different person and will never make mistakes like that again.
Now I have left school and I am this "pretty and clever" girl and just because I know that now and I am confident really makes me seem big headed. If you hate yourself as much as I used to, I used to want to cut myself, I was so depressed. I am a strong girl I've had to grow up quickly and I have coped with all those pressures at such a young age. 13 you are still a child and you should respect yourself so that others will treat you with respect as well. If I could turn back the clock I would have been a different girl but I have to accept who I am. If you don't like yourself you can change but only do it for yourself. Never do anything you don't want to do. Don't let yourself be used by guys and make sure you can trust your friends. I sit there and wonder what I have done wrong with boys and just think to myself if they don't like me it isn't the end of the world. I tried to rush into things with guys and it goes wrong so you have to wait for the right one to come along and take things slowly. If you met me you wouldn't ever know that I had done those nasty things at all but it's people who continue to talk about it behind my back. I have and will prove them wrong one day and I do that by keeping my head held high.
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