1. Define a mission statement, post it, ignore it.

2. Develop a Five Year Business Plan that pleases all capital investors; Print it, distribute it, forget it.

3. Manage by Numbers:

• Experience costs money... we don't need it.
• Pride in workmanship takes time... we can't spare it.
• Employee loyalty requires respect... we don't have any.
• Good design costs money... we won't spend it.
• Innovation costs money... we can steal it.
• Product testing costs money... let the customer do it.

4. New technology is the answer to everything (spend money here).

5. Management knows nothing about new technology. Therefore, every employee must know everything about new technology. (No instruction or training required).

6. Buy the cheapest raw materials; Be oblivious to quality.

7. Make it first; Worry about whether it's right or not later.

8. If the product is poorly designed, market it anyway.

9. Hire production workers who have little or no experience; Provide them with little or no training.

10. Motivate by fear.

11. If the process has a flaw... ignore it; The flaw may correct itself or disappear.

12. If the process continues to exhibit a flaw... make a drastic change. (No organization or planning required).

13. Recruit the best truth stretchers, fudgers, and liars minimum wage will buy; Place them in the Quality Department.

14. Inspect quality into the product:

• If the product doesn't pass final inspection, inspect it again.
• If the product still doesn't pass inspection, lie on the paperwork.

15. The manufacturing process is now always in control.

16. If the Quality Manager communicates with customers on a regular basis, hire a salesman.

17. Define large, long term management bonuses based on short term profits.

18. Live happily ever after.


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