1 A Friendships and disasters
Rating: PG
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
Me and Nicola N were inseperable and used to go places together and hang out and share secrets and stuff. I had been friends with her since year 2 (aged 6) and it was year 7 that I had felt like something was different. She started making other friends which I though was OK because its a new school and stuff. But one day she turned round and goes to me "I don't want to be your friend any more" I asked her the reason and she said I was "annoying" and I never really got the proper reason why she didn't like me any more until now. It was like something had been smashed inside of me 5 strong years and she wanted to move on.
I had no problem with that I used to hang out with my sister and her friends who were all in year 10 at the time. I developed a crush on two of her friends and I even used to walk home with them (even when my sister wasn't with us.)
I started to hang around with my cousin Nicola and Laura who lived down my street and this girl called Faye. She had blonde hair, a loud mouth, was really common and a great laugh. I used to just let some of her tall stories go through one ear and out the other as she had quite an imagination. Its not really good when you can't trust someone but if they have a reputation to lie then just maybe you would just pretend like you believed an 18 year old would go with an 11 or 12 year old. All her stories were about older men and everything was about her. We used to all fall out all the time over stupid things, I'm guessing Faye was so fickle. We secretly hated Laura too and when her back was turned Faye would have a bitch-a-thon and we would get sucked in. I was making a big mistake I never realised how much damage I was doing. See I had known Laura since I was about 3 or 4 years old and we were the definiton of best friends because we used to spend all of our time at each other's houses. That friendship did go a bit pear shaped too towards the end of primary school because I was friends with Nicola N and she was a jealous leech type friend too (as I was apparently to Nicola N). We used to always take the mick out of Laura she being fat and most of her jokes were a bit out of order I was a nice girl really but there was this evil ringleader girl who I looked up to. We used to gang up on Laura or probably take it in turns to tear each other apart. I even hated my own cousin for a week and never again will we let anyone come between us. I mean I had no real security being part of this 4 piece at all there was always an accident waiting to happen and I had decided to be a part of this. I mean who hangs around with someone who falls out with you and turns the whole school against you. I used to cry and moan but that didn't solve it either. I just wanted to have friends and belong sort of thing I felt like I didn't know myself any more. I was forever guitly about being a bitch I even suspected that Faye and Laura could have teamed up and bitched about us 2 cousins. I also made myself as strong as possible so that I wouldn't tell people any secrets about who I fancied or whatever. I had 2 years of this and sometimes I used to wonder why Faye who hates Laura would be on her side and just leave us 2 cousins out. Nicola did her best to stick by me even if meant sacrificing possible friendships. A lot of people hated me (well if you read my story on the stories section about "my old life" then you might get more information as to why.)
If you have read my story then in year 9 you would have heard about the egg thingy and how I went with Fayes boyfriend. Yes I was that much of a bitch to her. And I went with the guy Laura was obsessed with too. I felt really bad no wonder people hated me. And that other group of 4 friends lasted about 5 months possibly and I really had felt so depressed. I am surpried I didn't kill myself there and then but I am strong even if I couldn't stick up for myself I could cope with all the extra pressure. I have had no proper friends. I coped with all the hate and all the bitching. I really have loved my year 10 and 11 years. Even though we were enemies to Faye most of the time at the end we made it up. There was a girl called Becky C who made my life the worst as she was friends with Kylie H and those 2 apparently invented the rumour. I made it up to Becky on the last day. I had my house egged by Becky C and she said nasty things to me on msn and logged straight off after sending me that crap. But I hugged her she apologised I even walked home with her. I believe in forgiveness. I can't stay mad at people. Nicola N had written me a 6 page story of how and why we fell out and all she said was that she had her friends and I had mine. Well if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have had my group. I did hang briefly with Nicola N with Jasmine the new girl and Becca but Nicola N formed her group and I had made a set of friends. We used to all hang out every day and chat and go t parties and go places. Leaving school was the best we all had a limo a meal and a party with a sleepover. I thought I was going to be hanging out with my friends all summer but I excuse my friend Kylie F who is on holiday but my friend was going to a themepark and thats why she wouldn't come to my house. I mean telling white lies are better but guess what thanks for not inviting me. I still feel left out a lot and I don't know why. I am happy though because Faye has grown up and just like the old times we've hung out. My friend Jasmine moved an hour away from me and I miss her. I really have had no one I can call a proper friend really. I guess my mother, father, sister, cousin and (the guy who I had a crush on, my sister's boyfriend of 3 years) Joe will always love me. I suppose I will get the chance to make new friends at college in september and just because most of my friendships came to an end I still forgive them there is no hate. I said Hi to Laura she lives down my street yet I hardly see her. She chose to hang around with people who discussed her sex life and really bitched about her than be back with us. I suppose my sad story of hate and backstabbing and fallouts is over but if I learnt anything about my experiences is that you have to work hard at a friendship. You don't do the running two people care about each other and both have fun and share secrets. I know I can do this with people now and I am a lot happier. You will meet lots of different people and they come and go but those ones that are there to stay are like the flies caught in your web. Give second chances because if we hadn't have forgiven Faye then we wouldn't have had the chance to have what we have now. 5 hard years and over I mean your high school or whatever is the place you spend your happy and sad teenage years. You can't expect everyone to like you and you can't like everyone but the grown up thing to do is treat others with respect.
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