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Eating disorders (this is kinda long, but it's meaningful)
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Hi I wrote this to tell everyone what eating disorders can really do. I'm 14 years old and this previously happened. I'd always been a thin girl, although not the skinniest in the world, but I was never satisfied with myself. I didn't care what others saw of me, I cared what I saw of me. I spent hours (literally) standing in front of the mirror in my bra and underwear staring hatefully at the extra "flub" around my stomache. I looked at pictures of myself, and realized how "fat" I really was. Soon I began staring at the labels on food, eating nothing that had over 8 grams of fat at a time. Then it became 5. Finally it became 3. I also refused to eat anything that was over 150 calories at a time. I became angry at anyone who tempted me with food. I became really angry at my mom when she put just a little bit of olive oil or butter in anything. After awhile, when I had only lost 1 or 2 pounds, I decided to cut down on food intake too. I skipped breakfast and ate a banana and water for lunch. Most of my friends ate hot lunch, so when they sat down I would just begin on my "lunch" and tell them I'd already finished my sandwich and other stuff. About a week later I skipped lunch altogether, with the exception of my bottle of water. At this time I began to feel the effects of anorexia. I was constantly tired and I always fell asleep in class. But I kept on starving myself, so incredibly happy with the 6 pounds I'd lost. Soon I was never even hungry anymore, and I felt even prouder. Although I was loosing weight and my clothes got looser, I couldn't see results. So I continued my unhealthy obsession. I guess others could tell, because my mom began screaming at me when I told her I wasn't hungry and would force me to step on the scale. As I stepped on it I would promise her I'd been eating and would secretly push down on the counter to make myself appear to weigh more. Also, one of my good friends and my swim coach confronted me about it. I promised each and every single one of them I'd been eating enough. Inside I really believed I was, but I now realize I was eating only about 400 calories a day. This "diet" went on for about two months. But then, one day at a swim meet, I was adding a lot of time to my best times in every event. A few kids on my team teased me about having too many issues, for I also had a cutting probably a couple months before. They also nicknamed me "Skinny" and constantly called me self-destructive. After the 200 butterfly I was hating myself even more, and I guess my coach could tell. She sat me down away from a bunch of people and began talking to me. One question she asked was how much I weighed and how much I had lost. I lied, but she gave me a weird look and I knew she didn't believe me. At that moment I couldn't hold it in anymore and I broke down crying. I confessed that I'd lost around 20 pounds and weighed about 90. She told me that alot of that was muscle, not fat. That's when I realized that starving myself didn't help at all. It hit me that I really needed that muscle to swim fast and do just about anything. In our discussion my coach told me that I needed some fats and calories to give me energy. This is so incredibly true. I'm so thankful my coach knocked some sense into me that day, before I got worse. I gradually began eating more, enough to keep me awake and swim a little better. Two months have passed since then and I still struggle with an eating disorder. It hurts to sit down or lay down due to the lack of flesh around my hips and butt. I still haven't swam my best. I constantly feel weak and nauseous. Sorry if these seem like complaints, but I want everyone to know what eating disorders really do. If you wish to be thin so you can improve at some sport, DON'T STARVE YOURSELF. You'll get worse at whatever it is, GUARANTEED. You need muscle, energy, and even a little fat to use as energy. You can't get those without food. I've gained around 8 pounds since I had that talk with my coach. With every pound I gain I get angry but I know I'm doing the right thing. Every once in awhile I'll lose control again, but I just think of swimming and I'll eat. I hope this helped someone out there. Really think about this. PLEASE.
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