A letter he'll never read...
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11 months...doesn't seem like that long, does it? Freshman year went by pretty fast. I mean, seems like only yesterday you were way at the other end of the math room that sucked staring at me with me catching you while I stared right back. I can't remember what initially attracted me to you. Maybe it was that long pretty hair that hung in your eyes, or the way I found your eyes on me, or maybe just everything about your eyes...whatever it was, I loved you from right away. Sometimes I SO much long for the days when I couldn't mess things up; days when I'd just sit and smile; where everything you'd do would make me smile and you knew it. Even that time when I'd never talked to you before and you came up and sat literally RIGHT next to my desk on the floor...LOL my whole right side shaking. It makes me laugh now to think that back then you tickled my insides somethin CRAZY. After a while we became friends; I know it all started on homecoming when I first started talking to you...you were with Chris, I was with Tina, we were all chillin, I know you remember. And then that night I never thought you'd say yes but you did and I got to dance with you (HEAVEN). We didn't even talk much after that, but I remember in early November I wrote a note and told you I liked you, and I got one back that hour that said you liked me too. OOH I get shivers just thinkin about how happy I was that day. You have no idea, because you've never had super-high self esteem. It's okay. I think after a while you figured it out. I asked you out the next month and you said no, that you didn't want a gf in your freshman year, but that you still liked me. Broke my heart for a couple days but I got over it because I cared about you so much. I'd let a lot slide for you, babe. Anyways, soon after that we DID become pretty good friends. Eustice was stupid and put us right next to each other after we sat by each other twice in a row anyways so that worked out good. I think I sat facing the left wall that entire year just so I could talk to you the whole time. It didn't take you doing a lot to make me ridiculously happy. We danced a couple more times until you stopped going to them I don't blame you, dances got lame, you started randomly holding my hand and sitting on my lap, hugging me and talking to me more and more. I remember the times we'd fight...there were only a few, but it was horrible. I hate to admit it now, but I loved making you feel bad about hurting me. And you always did. You'd always make yourself go nuts until I hugged you again, smiled at you again, talked to you again. And if it was ME who made YOU mad, you made me pay in the worst way; by sittin there all over my best friend, "forgetting" to walk to class with me, telling me to "fck off" and leave you alone...we always got over it pretty quick but I hated those fights that I could've avoided I started about 90 of them. Last time I saw you was at my brother and your sister's graduation. You hugged me again, and again, and again...at least I know that if nothing works out, I got to say goodbye. I hear you're really into that Becca girl now...I can't say I'm thrilled (Oh I'll be honest with ya, I hate her) but when you're happy it means I'm happy too. If she tells you any rumors about me I want you to believe every last one of them so maybe you'll start to forget me, because it hurts to be only friends, or only "kinda" friends. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger for you. I'm gonna try and cry out all the tears I have saved for you this summer so when school comes around I can smile; try and be happy. And if next year I forget to hug you, smile at you in the halls and talk to you all the time, it's only because I want the best for you. I know in a way you'll always care about me, if not the same way I care about you then in SOME way. Thank you for EVERYTHING; for dancing with me, hugging me, smiling at me, helping me, talking to me, joking with me, defending me, holding my hand and holding my heart. You are the one person I will keep in my heart forever. I miss you, and I'll see ya around.
I love you SO, SO much.
I always have.
I always will.
Love,
Alyssa (Dawg)
Submitted by kcajevilgnol@hotmail.com 1
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