Fwd: rules of the South, for the North.(everyone must read)hahaha
Religious
Rating: G
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
>A: Because there's nothing worth shittin' on
>
>Welcome to the South
>
>Issued by the Southern Texas Tourism Bureau to ALL
>visiting Northerners And Northeastern Urbanites:
>
>1) Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at
> Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve
> breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something
> they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your
> ass.
>
>2) Don't laugh at our Southern names. (Merleen, Bodie,
> Ovine, Luther Ray, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez,
> Billy Joe, Sissy, etc.) These people have all been
> known to kick ass.
>
>3) Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda down
> here. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a
> flying damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-
> Up or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it.
> Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
>
>4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate
> than you. We are also better educated and generally
> a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of
> hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass.
>
>5) We have plenty of business sense Fred Smith of Fed
> Ex, Turner Broadcasting, MCI WorldCom, MTV,
> Netscape. Naturally, we don't care if you think we
> are dumb. We can still kick your ass.
>
>6) Don't laugh at our Civil War history. If Lee had
> listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at
> Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the
> middle, you'd be paying ta xes to Dallas instead of
> Washington. If you don't like it we'll kick your
> ass.
>
>7) We are fully aware of how high the humidity is, so
> shut the hell up, spend your money, and get the
> hell out of here - or we'll kick your ass.
>
>8) Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel.
> Everyone will instantly know that you're from Ohio.
> Eat your biscuits like God intended. Don't put
> sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass.
>
>9) Don't fake a Texas accent. This will incite a riot
> and you will get your ass kicked.
>
>10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home
> because we don't give a damn. Many of us have
> visited Northern hell holes like Detroit, San
> Francisco, Chicago, Portland and Las Vegas, and we
> have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
> here, Delta is ready when you are. Take your ass
> home before it gets kicked.
>
>11) Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk
> this way because we don't want to sound like ya'll.
> We don't care if you don't understand what we are
> saying. All other Southerners understand what we
> are saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go
> away, or we'll kick your ass.
>
>12) Don't complain that the South is dirty and
> polluted. Whine about OUR scenic beauty, or we'll
> kick your ass all the way back
> into Boston Harbor.
>
>13) Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say "sir"
> and "ma'am", hold doors open for oth ers, and offer
> our seats to old folks because such things are
> expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves
> around our sweet little grey-haired grandmothers or
> they'll kick some manners into your ass just like
> they did ours.
>
>14) So you think we're quaint or losers because most of
> us live in the countryside? That's because we have
> enough sense to not live in smelly, crime-infested
> cesspools like New York or San Jose. Make fun of
> our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass.
>
>15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come down here
> trying to tell us how to cook Barbecue. This will
> get your ass shot off (right after it is kicked).
> You're lucky we let you come down here at all.
> Question our sacred BBQ, and you go home in a pine
> box - minus your ass.
Submitted by americanchild269@hotmail.com 53
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