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111111 what do I do with a lost love
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What do you do when the one person you love more than anything walks away but still stays in sight? Am I really deeply in love, I mean... when I try to sleep no matter how hard I try the first things that comes to my mind is him. I could b listning to music and I will think of him becasue most likly we listened to that song togther or danced to it at prom or one of the school dances. Or when I look at my cheerleading pictures I start to cry becasue I know that he was at every one of my games even when he had better things to do than sit there by him self and watch me do something so pointless in life. I hear my sister talking about how much she likes vollyball and than I think about how much he liked it and how I used to go to the games and sometimes bring him a sandwitch becasue I cared and thought that he needed it. And I think about how when ever I said I had to pee the first thing he would do is jump up to tickle me because he loved the way I laughed. Than there are the times that he would walk to my house after school just becasue my busdriver wouldn't let him on and I ment so much to him that he would walk from school to my house even if it was hot or cold it didn't matter. That is only some of the things that I think about.... What do you do when ur in a situation like that? Do you just let him walk away and pray to God every night befor you put your head down to cry your self asleep that he will realise that he should be laying there next to me? Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy. I don't know what I should be doing. Should I still be calling him or no? Should I tell him how I feel or just keep it to my self and act like I don't give a shit? I don't know what to do.... I need help here. My heart is telling me that he is the one, and as far as I can tell he is and I am so madly in love with him. I have dreams about him all the time. No bad ones. Mainly he is coming back, suprising me, or the ones that wake me up in tears... seeing him with another girl and than I always end up fighting her as soon as I see him with her. At times I think that I am better off without him because I can do more things like hangout with my friends more often and what not but at the same time I feel that I am going crazy little by little without him. For somereason when I actully sit down and think about it. Hanging out with my friends and spending time with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with... well spending more times with my friends doesn't seem as important. I thought I was hurting in the relationship, but I found that it was only a small downside of being in love with someone so wonderfull. I am in so much pain now weather or not you can see it. I often catch my self daydreaming about him... weather its about him coming back or me just opeaning my heart to him and having him do the same to me. I kind of feel like I am living in the dream world where everything was perfict to only go wrong and the ending... well the ending hasn't been written yet. You just hope its like a disney move... They always have happy endings. I often feel like I wish that I had never saw him that day on the bus, and that I never knew that he existed for I would not be heart broken. But I know that if I had never known he was existent I would have never had some of the best days of my life. I still to this day thank God every day that I was with him and we shared the things we did... even though I was left and broken in the end. He still means the world to me and I am so scared to let him go even though we are not together. Sometimes I think if it wasan't for him and me making stupid promises to him I would not feel this way. I would be gone just watching him becasue that was something that I always loved to do. But I know that would be wrong to do thoes things to my self and remove my self from earth because who is to say that posibly and I pray one day he could be back. I made a photo album of me and him the first note that he wrote me is in there and every single one of the pictures that we had are in there, the ticketstubs to movies that we saw, lazer tag scores and even the tickets to the play we saw in the city. I was going to give it to him on our one year anniversary as a gift. I don't think that he knows about the album. Should I tell him and show him? Or do I keep it to my self as something of mine and not let him even know about it? He gave me a neckls for christmas. It was a heart shaped lockit. When he put it on me he said "here you can have my heart" I wore it every day up untill 2 days after we broke up and now I keep it next to my bed and I look at it every night and think to my self and wish that I could tell him that he still has mine, adn that i am always here for him. What should I do with him. Should it be put away someplace where no one else can find it and try and keep it out of my sight? A while ago in the car (his mom was driving, and he was in the back with me) on the way to my house he sang the song "your song" by elton john. I cried becasue it was well one the sweetest things anyone ever did, and two becasue I felt like when he wa singing thoes words to me he ment it and he didn't wanna leave me, and I beleave it. He did the sweetest things one day after we had a huge argument and I almost left him. I have no idea what the argument was honistly all about and nore do I care any more... but after the argument we made up and I went into the bathroom and than when I came out he was looking at me funny so I rember me saying what and giggling as I was still sniffiling from crying and he said come here so I jumped up onto my bed and I beleave that I sat on him... He found some string on my floor from the braclets I was making, and he took some string and tired it around my finger and said "Heather I love you, will you marry me... I know its not a real ring and we are both only 16 but you are the one and I love you to death". I said yes and things were great. I kept the ring, and I still have it. Well what happened to that?... I don't know what to do any more. I love him so much. Its not that I just need someone or that I just want to date someone just so I can get shit out of it or whatever have you.... I just miss the great times that I had and the fact that I could be my self around him, and never anyone else ever befor. The best times I had were in my room watching TV, laying on my floor, running around in his empty appartment. That stuff don't require money or anything but love and care. And you would have to be blind to ever think that we didn't love each other. He was the best man that any woman could ever ask for. Even when I was wrong he had my back. I mean what does that tell you? That he loved me... thats what. Even if another guy looked at me funny he always had something to say, I always thought that was annoying, but now when I go out with my friend and other randum guys look at me I feel like running away crying. I don't have that man that was able to protect me any more. I don't feel safe without him. What do I do? Do I just let him walk away or do I do what ever it takes to get him back?..... I love him so much. I would honistly do anything for him.... its just a matter of doing what needs to be done to get him back...
What do you think that I should do?...
e-mail me and let me know please... becasue I am so lost in my own mind I can't even think right to know what to do... I really need your help
hellangeloftearsyahoo.com
Submitted by hellangeloftears@yahoo.com 16
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