95 Things I Learned In Middle School Band
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2) The percussionists will always be a bunch of complete idiots, no matter how smart they are
3)They are also guaranteed to drop something during a concert
4) But you learn to love them anyway
5) The trumpet section will always be a bunch of weirdos
6) But you learn to love them, too
7) The male trumpets will always think they are the best thing that happened to the world
8) But trust me, they aren't
9) Band: You can say you hate it and complain about it, but deep down, you know you like it
10) No matter what, you always, ALWAYS at one point have a crush on someone in band
11) High schoolers make crap sections leaders
12) It's really, really, really fun to annoy Mr. Mazza
13) It's even more fun when you're in the first chair... right beside him
14) The song you play over and over and over and over again is the one you hate the most
15) High notes. Suck.
16) In lessons, Mr. Mazza will always play along with the flutes for the hard music...
17)...And play along with the clarinets during the easy songs
18) It's really fun to make fun of the percussionists
19) You know all those times you harassed the high school band at football games? Well that's gonna be you next year
20) Percussionists are the most disorganized people you will meet
21) Cassie will always have a problem with her saxaphone
22) The male trumpet players will always be way too loud
23) Percussionists enjoy causing deafness
24) Your reed will always break in the middle of a song
25) Laughter is contagious
26) The song you hate will always be the one stuck in your head
27) In between songs during a concert, someone is bound to do something stupid (most likely a percussionist)
28) Thus causing everyone to laugh
29) No matter how much you threaten to quit band, you know you never will
30) Complaining annoys the heck out of Mr. Mazza
31) After band, you are guaranteed to have the last song you played stuck in your head for the entire morning
32) No matter what youthink of the music when you first get it, you're going to like it by concert time
33) Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, at some point has tripped over a stand
34) It is not possible for a clarinet player to have common sense
35) It is not possible for a percussionist to have ANY sense
36) Clarinets are the best. Enough said.
37) Percussionists can't count rests
38) Percussionists can't count notes
39) Percussionists can't count mearsures
40) Percussionists can't count, period.
41) You will love band and constantly complain about it
42) When Mr. Mazza says "now let's play it all the way through once..." what he really means is "we'll stop about 7 more times, then play it through twice and then I'll think about moving on."
43) Candy bars are great until you have to sell 48 of them
44) It is really annoying to hear someone read every street sign from Pittsburgh to Bentleyville
45) Try not to lose music...it makes the person you are sharing the folder with very upset
46) Us eighth graders are (were) bad luck when it comes to band trips
47) If Mr. Mazza gives you a job to do, it's probably out of convenience rather than he actually listens
48) It is hard not to laugh when Mr. Mazza uses the word "retard" in musical terms
49) It is also hard not to give a meaningful look at the percussionists
50) Guys usually don't warn you when they're about to do something incredibly STUPID
51) Neither do girls
52) Do not attempt to throw music over the second clarinets to the percussionists
53) You will oftentimes find yourself tapping out the beat with your foot to the music in the halls. Don't try to fight in. Just go with it.
54) It IS possible to have more than one family
55) It's always Dan's fault
56) And he will claim it's not
57) You will know what "it" is, where "it" is, and how to get "it".
58) You will find yourself saying under your breath "G, F, E, rolllllll, crash..." (Or something to that extent)
59) It IS ok to be a band geek
60) Trumpets keep it interesting
61) Percussionists keep it weird
62) Don't bother asking the drummers to move. They won't.
63) District Band is very educational...but not academically or musically
64) You will refer to people by their instrument (i.e. "She's a trumpet", "Tell the clarinets to shut up", "Saxaphones, come here"...etc...)
65) The percussionists think they are God
66)Ok, at least Nick and Dan do
67) It's ok to break the rules
68) Bus rides are scary
69) Never, ever, ever, EVER while on a bus, give someone your camera and say, "take a picture and pass it back." The entire roll of film will be gone if 5 minutes.
70) It's ok not to listen to the administration at the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame
71) It's ok not to listen to Mr. Mazza (sometimtes)
72) Rarely does Mr. Mazza actually listen
73) Especially if you are complaining
74) Just because someone is DRIVING the bus, DOES NOT mean they know how to WORK the bus...
75) You will learn to love, or at least live with, having to wear black and white
76) You WILL at some point be mauled by either A) a drum of some sort, B) a mob of percussionists carrying a drum of some sort or C) a trumpet player carrying a chair and/or stand
77) We always, always, ALWAYS sound bad during our last rehearsal, but we're (usually) awesome at the concert
78) "Stage Crew" is just a fancy term for "people who get out of homeroom to go goof arond on the stage"
79) Non stage crew people: don't attempt to help the stage crew, the won't let you. You can try, but you'll end up getting hurt. Turst me, ok?
80) You never realize how normal (haha) you are until you go to district band
81) The moment you say, "This can't get any worse..." IT WILL
82) Maturity is highly overrated
83) So is common sense
84) Never contradict Mr. Mazza (even if you know you're right. He won't listen)
85) You're only as crazy as you let yourself think you are (which isn't saying much)
86) Oftentimes, Mr. Mazza has no idea what's going on, so don't feel bad when you don't
87) Guys are clueless when it comes to putting on ties
88) It really hurts to get hit in the eye with a piece of music
89) If all else fails, play a C
90) If you lose your place and have no idea what's going on, nod your head in time with the music. It look professional
91) If violence breaks out in the trumpet section, it is best not to get involved
92) Unless it looks like fun. Then join on the bandwagon ("band" wagon. I unintentionally made a joke. Haha.)
93) If Mr. Mazza yells something that sounds remotely like, "...the heck are you...?" Find out where the right place is and play
94) No matter what happens; what breaks, fals, messes up, looks weird, doesn't work, whatever...It is ALWAYS thej percussionists fault.
95) Yet, through all the pain, blood, sweat, tears, spt, yelling, death threats, annoyances, assaults, broken stff, injuries, corruption, verbal abuse, and whenever someone did something flat out stupid, you know some of your favorite memories were made while on that stage. And when you leave for good, you know that, no matter how much you complained about it, and griped, and whined, you're going to miss that cramped little stage and the weirdo people who you spent so much time with on it.
Middle school band was awesome, something I'll never forget. Now I'm in MARCHING BAND at the high school, and I feel a whole new list coming on.....
Submitted by dollylevi22@yahoo.com 16
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