Excuses For Job Termination,
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs:

Rating: PG
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)

Every month we get a Human Resources report on terminations. When they are asked to put a reason why they were terminated, the reasons vary from resigned, got a better job, getting married, moving, sexual misconduct, etc. What I've found is that there isn't a standard list. So, I decided to come up with one based on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. In order to standardize our Human Resources forms we now use just 7 reasons for termination: Happy: Had trouble putting nose to the grindstone. Too much time spent telling jokes at the water cooler. Doc: Left to pursue further schooling, in particular, Ph.D. work. Sleepy: Chronically late for work. Caused many project delays. Grumpy: Poor attitude toward work. Not a team player. Trouble with early mornings. Dopey: Made several critical errors at work costing the company money, e.g., misappropriated company funds. Sneezy: Recurrent, chronic illness has made it difficult for the employee to complete work in a timely fashion. Bashful: Lack of initiative. Not willing to make cold calls. Too often let workplace disagreements simmer. OTHERS Jealous Queen: Heavy involvement in the occult not congruent with organizational policies. Snow White: Sexual misconduct, e.g., kissing strange men while under some kind of trance. Huntsman: Couldn't stand to be cooped up in the office all day. Pursuing work with the National Forest Service.

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