Manufacturers of God would like to thank you for your belief and
patronage of our product. In order to better serve your needs, we ask
that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.

Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely
confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address
unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?

         __ Newspaper                __ Bhagavad-Gita
         __ Television               __ Divine Inspiration
         __ Word of mouth            __ Near Death Experience
         __ Koran                    __ Communist Manifesto
         __ Tabloid                  __ Burning Shrubbery
         __ Bible                    __ Other sources
         __ Torah                          (specify): _____________

2. Which model God did you acquire?
         __ Yoweh                    __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet 
         __ Jehova                   __ Jesus
         __ Alah                     __ Satan
         __ God                      __ None of the above, I was taken
         __ G_d                         in by a false god

3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
       __ Yes                          __ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:____
__________________________________________________________

4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god?
Please check all that apply.
    __ Indoctrinated by parents      __ Needed a reason to live
    __ Indoctrinated by society      __ Needed focus in who to despise
    __ Imaginary friend grew up      __ Hate to think for myself
    __ Wanted to meet girls/boys     __ Fear of murder by a missionary
    __ Wanted to piss off parents    __ Needed a day away from work
    __ Desperate need for certainty  __ Like Organ Music
    __ Need to feel Morally Superior __ My shrubbery caught fire and
                                        told me to do it

5. Have you ever worshipped a God before?  Is so, which false god were
you fooled by?  Please check all that apply.
         __ Odin                     __ Cthulhu
         __ Zeus                     __ The Almighty Dollar
         __ Appolo                   __ Left Wing Liberalism
         __ Ra                       __ Barney T.B.P.D.
         __ The great Spirit         __ The Great Pumpkin
         __ The Sun                  __ Bill Clinton
         __ The Moon                 __ A burning cabbage
         __ The Bomb                 __ Other: ________________

6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition
to God?  Please check all that apply.
         __ Tarot                    __ Lottery
         __ Astrology                __ Television
         __ Fortune cookies          __ Ann Landers
         __ Psychic Friends Network  __ Dianetics
         __ Palmistry                __ Playboy and/or Playgirl
         __ Self-help books          __ Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll
         __ Biorythms                __ Bill Clinton
         __ Tea Leaves               __ ESP
         __ Mantras                  __ Jimmy Swaggert
         __ Crystals                 __ Human Sacrifice
         __ Pyramids                 __ Wandering around a desert
         __ Insurance policies       __ Burning Shrubbery
         __ Barney T.B.P.D.          __ Other: _____________________
         __ Barney Fife              __ None

7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the
balanced level of felt presence and blind faith.  Which would you
prefer (circle one)?
         a. More Divine Intervention
         b. Less Divine Intervention
         c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
         d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?

8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and
miracles.  Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following
(1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
 
         a. Disasters
             flood                             1   2   3   4   5
             famine                            1   2   3   4   5
             earthquake                        1   2   3   4   5
             war                               1   2   3   4   5
             pestilence                        1   2   3   4   5
             plague                            1   2   3   4   5
             AOL                               1   2   3   4   5
             Windows 98                        1   2   3   4   5
                
         b. Miracles
             rescues                           1   2   3   4   5
             spontaneous remissions            1   2   3   4   5
             stars hovering over towns         1   2   3   4   5
             crying statues                    1   2   3   4   5
             water changing to wine            1   2   3   4   5
             walking on water(except Cuyahoga) 1   2   3   4   5
             talking flaming shrubbery         1   2   3   4   5
             VCR that sets its own clock       1   2   3   4   5
             Sadam Husein still alive          1   2   3   4   5
             Marlins winning the Series        1   2   3   4   5
             Clinton's re-election             1   2   3   4   5
             
9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving
the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary)