Medical Bloopers

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A COLLECTION FROM MEDICAL INTERVIEW RECORDS WRITTEN BY VARIOUS PARAMEDICS, EMERGENCY ROOM RECEPTIONISTS, AND DOCTORS AT MAJOR HOSPITALS - The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately. - Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. - The skin was moist and dry. - Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid - The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. - She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce. - Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. - The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed. - I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. - The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week. - Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles. - She is numb from her toes down. - While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. - The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. - The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead. - Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. - Coming from Detroit, this man has no children. - Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress. - Patient was alert and unresponsive. - When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

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