The Image of Rank

Inspirational

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General: Leaps over tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God. Colonel: Leaps over short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God. Lieutenant Colonel: Leaps over short buildings with a running start and favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, as fast as a speeding BB, walks on water in an indoor pool, and talks to God if special request is approved. Major: Barely clears quonset huts, loses tug-of war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God. Captain: Jumps over dog houses, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a weapon without inflicting self-injury, can doggie paddle, and talks to priests. First Lieutenant: Runs into buildings, recognizes loco- motives 2 out of 3 times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat with water wings, and talks to animals. Second Lieutenant: Can't find the door to the building, says "look at the choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself. AFA Cadet Home On Leave: Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth, and freezes water in a single glance. He is God.

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