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Passengers
Rating:
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
"Attention, Passengers !"
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to
make the inflight
"safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit
more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or
reported:
******
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight
attendant crew, the
pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached
cruising altitude and
will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for
your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
*****
On landing the stewardess said, "Please be sure to
take all your
belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please
make sure it's
something we'd like to have."
******
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there
are only 4 ways
out of this airplane."
******
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope
you enjoyed
giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking
you for a ride."
******
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at
Washington National, a
lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big
fella. WHOA!"
******
After a particularly rough landing during
thunderstorms in Memphis, a
flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,
"Please take care
when
opening the overhead compartments because, after a
landing like that,
sure as hell everything has shifted."
******
>From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight
XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the
metal tab into the
buckle
and pull tight. It works just like every other seat
belt; and, if you
don't
know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out
in public
unsupervised."
******
In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks
will descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and
pull it over your
face. If you have a small child traveling with you,
secure your mask
before
assisting theirs. If you are traveling with more than
one small
child...pick your favorite.
******
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some
broken clouds but
we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank
you, and
remember,
nobody loves you, or your money, more than Southwest
Airlines."
******
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and, in
the event of an
emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and
take them with our
compliments."
*****
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will
drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own
mouth and nose
before
assisting children... or other adults acting like
children."
******
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of
your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
the flight
attendants.Please do not leave children or spouses."
******
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta
airlines is
pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in
the industry.
Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
******
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard
landing in Salt Lake
City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and
said, "That was
quite a
bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to
tell you it
wasn't
the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it
wasn't the flight
attendant's fault...it was the asphalt!"
*****
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into
Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final
approach, the
Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely
hard landing, the
Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to
Amarillo. Please
remain in
your seats with your seat belts fastened while the
Captain taxis what's
left
of our airplane to the gate!"
******
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than
perfect landing: "We
ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo
bounces us to the
terminal."
******
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight
he had hammered
his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had
a policy which
required the first officer to stand at the door while
the Passengers
exited,
smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ
airline." He said that,
in
light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking
the passengers in
the
eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally
everyone had
gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a
cane. She said,
"Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no
Ma'am," said the pilot.
"What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land
or were we shot
down?"
******
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the
Flight Attendant came
on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your
seats until
Captain
Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a
screeching halt
against
the gate.
And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning
bells are
silenced,
we'll open the door and you can pick your way through
the wreckage to
the
terminal."
******
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank
you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
time you get the
insane
urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized
metal tube, we
hope
you'll think of US Airways
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