Customer Support

Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)

Think of these while waiting one hour on a customer support line! Robot Says: What the Company Really Means to Say: Your call is important to us. It’s so important that we don’t hire enough service personnel to answer it. All our agents are busy assisting other customers. Our agents are frantic, because they are each doing the work of three people. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for subsidizing our greed with your time. That way we can hire as few telephone consultants as possible and pocket the salaries. Please listen carefully, as our options have changed. We change the options every so often in the hopes that you'll listen and get suckered into hanging up or buying something. We couldn’t have you getting through to us efficiently, now could we? Please continue to hold. We look forward to serving you. We aim to keep you holding so long that you’ll give up and hang up. We really would rather sell you more junk than listen to your complaints about the last stuff you bought. We will assist you as quickly as possible. Your call will be answered when the cretin we hired to answer it decides to return from his/her coffee break. (Call to sales line): Ring! Ring! (3 seconds) “Acme Widgets. How may we help you?” We have plenty of people at the sales desk, and they are trained to answer in 3 seconds. (Call to customer service/tech support) Thank you for continuing to hold, etc. etc. (15 – 30 minutes) Just throw it away, stupid! We don’t give a hang about you except to sell you more junk.

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