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The Language of the Baltimoron
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The Merlin Dialect- do you unnersteand?
The Merlin Dialect is spoken by a mixed population
which inhabits a triangular area on the western
littoral of the Chesapeake Bay, bounded roughly by a
line commencing at Towson's Toyota, then westward to
Frederick Mall, thence following the western border of
the cable TV franchise and the string of MacDonalds
along Route 50 to the Bay. All of these lands and the
natives thereof are know as the Land of Merlin. They
divide it further into semi-tribal areas called
Cannies (e.g., Ballmer Canny, PeeJee Canny, etc.).
The dialect area is centered on a market center called
Glimburny, where the people come on weekends to trade
their goods. Because of the numerous words and phrases
common to both Merlin Dialect and modern English,
linguists have long postulated that there is some
kinship between the two. The dispute in academic
circles at the present time is whether Merlin dialect
actually derives from English, or whether both are
descended from some common ancestor, possible spoken
on the Island of Atlantis.
Speakers of Merlin Dialect are all able to understand
standard English from babyhood, chiefly because of the
their voracious appetite for television. However, they
invariably, and absolutely, refuse to speak standard
English, even with outsiders who obviously are not
understanding a word they are saying.
Lesson 1. Pronounciation Drill.
Listen and Repeat:
Merlin: Ah herd sarns at sod the hass a bat hunnert
toms lass not. Itsem Ann Earl Canny farn gins.
Standard: I heard sirens outside the house about a
hundred times last night. It's those Anne Arundel County fire engines.
Merlin: She raider boskle from Droodle Pork to dantan
Ballmer wither oz clazed.
Standard: She rode her bicycle from Druid Hill Park to
downtown Baltimore with her eyes closed.
Merlin: The Hard Canny Toms sayz the canny cancel pace pained bon
ambalances.
Standard: The Howard County Times says the County
Council postponed buying ambulances.
Merlin: Pitcher bane seat owen. Weer goon danny ayshun.
Standard: Put your bathing suit on. We're going down to the ocean.
Merlin: Ah sawn ambalance good dan Rosters Tan Raid a
bat a huunert mollsen air, nit was porn dan rain.
Standard: I saw an ambulance going down Reisterstown
Road about a hundred miles an hour, and it was pouring down rain.
Merlin: It spaced a snaid mora. Better pitcher snay
tars owen. Ah got me somefar stain snay tars at the
Tee Goz bay the Glimburny bopass.
Standard: It's supposed to snow tomorrow. Better put
your snow tires on. I got some Firestone snow tires at
the Two Guys by the Glen Burnie bypass.
Baldamer - How to truly pronounce our city (or Balmer)
Balmorese - What we're speaking
Merlin - Our State
Arn - What you do to wrinkled clothes
Balled Ham - Boiled ham
Beero - Bureau (as in FBI)
Bulled Egg - An egg cooked in water
Chest Peak - A large nearby body of water
Chimley - Where Santa comes down
Colleyflare - A white vegetable
Downey Owe Shin - Summertime destination (such as Ayshun City)
Droodle Pork - Druid Hill Park
Elfin - Large pachyderm at zoo
Faren Gins - Red trucks that put out fires
Hi Hon - How we always say `hello'
Holluntown - Highland Town
Nap Lis - State of Merlin capital
Ole Bay - What our crabs taste like
Oreos - Not a cookie, but our baseball team
Payment - That strip of cement that you walk on
PohLeese - Those guys in uniform that git ya when you're speeding
Poison Ivory - Plant that gives you itchy skin
Share - Hot water that cleans you in the morning
also, Flares, such as tulips)
Star Phone - Styrofoam
Tarred - What happens when you work too hard
Telly Phone - What we use to call people
Warsh - What we do with dirty clothes
Warter - What we drink (can also be Wooter)
Winders - Those glass things that we look out of
And More!!!
Paramore........Power mower
Tarnado...........Tornado
Hairacane...... .Hurricane
Excape.......... . Escape
Pixture............. Picture
Brawl............... Broil
Stahl.................Style
Samridge........ Sandwich
Sem elem........Seven Eleven
Allanic - an ocean
Architexture - building styles
Arlin - Ireland
Arn - what you do on an arnin board
Arnjuice - from the sunshine tree
Arouwn in all directions - norf, souf, ees, and wess
Arsh - people from Arlin
Aspern - what you take for headaches
Awl - goes into the crankcase in your caw
Bald - some people like their eggs this way
Bawler - what the plumber calls your furnace
Beeno - a famous railroad
Bleef - what you bleev in, your faith
Calf Lick - bleevers are Protestant, Jewish, and ...
Canny - a state gubmit division, such as Anna Rundel or Prince George's
Cammer - used for taking photographs
Cole Race Beef - a favorite sandwhich; you could have
Hot Race Beef with Gravy
Dint - did not
Dolltone - what you hear when you pick up the Receiver
Downey Ayshen - where everyone goes in the summer (to
places such as Ayshen City)
Drooslem - city in the Holy Land
Duddeney - yes, he does, duddeney?
Err - a time measurement of 60 minutes
Far place - requires wood
Fard - area between the eyes and the hairline
Farmin - the people who fight fars
Ford - opposite of backward
Granite - something you don't want to be taken for
Gubmit - government
Gubner - governor
Har and Far - what the boss does
Hollandtayon - Highlandtown
Idnit - it is, idnit?
Ignernt - ignorant
Klumya - Rouse's new city (Columbia)
Lobble - responsible for
Meer - what you look at in the morning
Merlin - the Free State
Mirra - another word for meer"
Munlaw - married to your fodlaw
Norf Abnew - North Avenue
Numb - a conjunctive 1st person pronoun: "Aw've bin workin six errors numb
tarred."
Phane - what you answer when it rings
Pleece - the people who uphold the law
Plooshin - let's get it out of the Cheaspeake
Sarn - what a pleece car or Farn Gin makes noise with
Slong - "good-bye"
Snoo Few? - "what's new with you?"
Sore - drainage under the street
Spearmint - experiment
Stalls - the hairdresser does this to your hair
Sympathy - the Bawlamer Sympathy Orchestra
Race - a method of cooking meat; "Awl have a race beef sanrich."
Tarred - sleepy
Torst - a visitor from another state or country
Vollince - what we see too much of in the movies
Wald - the opposite of tame
Warshnin - our nation's capital
Wooder - what you wrench your hands with
Yerp - Europe
Zinc - where you wrench your hands or wash your dishes
Youz - you all >>
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