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death row
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Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
What you will read now are a few words from a man on the death row. i can not add more to what he has
written, i can only ask you to spend five minutes reading his words.Maybe you will find, in your heart, a
place for this man.
A few words from Jose:
"Confucius said, 'I still haven't seen anyone who likes humaness and dislikes inhumanity.
People who like humaness couldn't be better, while those who dislike inhumanity are, by
that very fact, practicing humaness because they are not allowing the inhumane to affect
them. Are there any who can use their strength or humaness for a whole day? I have never
seen anyone who lacked the strength. There may be such people, but I have never seen
any." (Analects 4:6)
So much to say, with so little time, but to get to the end we must start. My name is Jose, but
my friends call me Joe. I really don't like formal stuff, but some things have to be done, to
put some minds at ease. I know one thing - if you are reading my words then you should
know I am one of many men condemned to die.
Yes, a death row inmate in the State of Texas, the State that leads the USA in death row
population and executions. As of September 2000, the State has murdered 32 this year in
such perverted meaning of justice. There are many words I can put down continuing on
about Texas and its killing machine. But this is not the time. I refuse to focus, to allow
Texas to also take what little time I have to prove I am worthy of life, family and friendship.
Plus, why should I worry about something I cannot change? Texas has always been Texas
since it was stolen from my people.
I am, and always will be, a proud Mexican. But for those that I have offended, I apoligize.
However, history shows what I say as true.
As the great philosopher said, "If your words are truthful and your actions are earnest,
they will be effective even in foreign countries. IF your words are not truthful and your
actions not in earnest, do you think they would be effective even in your homeland? When
you stand, see truthfulness and seriousness assembled before you."
Being in the position I'm in - all I have in my present life - my future is pretty much settled.
My past is not too happy, so I have to pick and choose which memories to keep. Now, I
have a voice and I am going to take full advantage of it.
Please read this with an open mind. To have already made up your mind that I am an evil
person, or that I will be full of lies and deceit just to save my life... I'll tell you now if saving
my life means spending it in this prison (Terrell Unit, Texas DR) or another then please let
me die!
I have been on Death Row for 5 years and things have changed many times through the
years. The last change that was made here in Texas was really dramatic: we, meaning all
Death Row inmates (except the female death row inmates) were moved from the old Ellis
Unit, where Death Row has been since the beginning of time.
At Ellis, we had group recreation, we were able to work, watch TV, go to church. Most
important, we were able to make craft items and converse with other inmates - something
that gave us a sense of being. Take that away and I am an animal in a cage.
Now, where I was used to being active, I have only our hour of recreation in a dayroom five
times a week - I might as well stay in my cell. There is nothing but a pull-up bar, a sink and
a toilet, and a table. I don't know why the table is there - no games to play and you can't
even take a pen and paper with you. I get one hour of recreation, outside... which is inside
the building, it just doesn't have a roof. Oh, there's also a basketball goal with no net, and a
flat basketball. Now what good is a goal with a flat ball? That's what I thought, also. :)
So, I am in my cell 23 hours a day. No TV, a radio that you can't catch many stations on...
there are many other things I could mention, but it would seem like I am crying. But I do
have a right to voice my feelings and thoughts. Besides, my punishment was death - not
mental torture, sleep deprivation, cold meals, denied or destroyed mail, denied medical
attention, etc!
As I wait I have taken it upon myself to at least appear to be alive. To have somewhat of a
life. But this can't be done alone. Sure, I have family but a family's love is mandatory -
they're supposed to care. I am looking for penpals, people to spend my time writing,
laughing, crying. I have plenty of time - 23 hours in a small cell, one can only sleep so much
in this place. You get very little of that with every count time you have to be woken for, to
tell your TDC#. Oh yeah, you're not a person here, you're an item, a number.
I would like to write with anyone that has an interest in me. Age, sex, race does not matter.
All I ask for is honesty, open-mindedness, and NO, I repeat, no promises. I'll give the same
in return. If you are one to just feel sorry for me and that is the reason you'd write, thank
you but no thank you. I don't pity or feel sorry for myself. And I'll not allow anyone else to
do so. It's alright to be concerned, because that is part of being human, even though many
folks have forgotten that.
I'll even listen to people who believe the death penalty is good. Because there is always two
sides to a story. Plus, it'll make me feel alive, to debate capital punishment. Even though I
am on Death Row, I do believe for some people there is no hope. There is such a thing as
pure evil. But I'll leave that with you to think about. Maybe you'll write me and ask about
it.
I do a lot of reading also, but one can only read so much. I like to read all kinds of books,
but I enjoy military history most. At this time, I am currently writing a few people but, as I
said, I have time and it needs to be used up.
"Three kinds of friends are beneficial, and three are harmful. When friends are honest,
sincere, or knowledgeable, they are beneficial. When friends are pretentious, fawning, or
opportunistic, they are harmful. " (15:37)
I have not had many friends that are beneficial to me, but when you lay down with the dogs
you get fleas. This I have learned over time. I was just a boy when I was arrested, acting,
wanting to be a man. But I had no idea what being a man meant. I've grown into the man I
thought I was years ago. I am not the same person. I now understand responsibility, and I
am willing to accept it. I know many who are reading this will notice I have not mentioned
what I was accused, convicted and sentenced to die for. I didn't for one reason - it matters
not why I'm here, but that I am not the same person that came to this place. Now, don't get
me wrong. I'll gladly explain and allow you to know these things. I'll answer all questions...
but why write about it now, when you will draw your own conclusions and make up your mind
before you get to know me? You'll also notice I am not claiming to be innocent, nor am I
saying I am guilty of capital murder. These things are personal and on a personal note I will
write anyone that wants to write me about it. I'll then tell them about my case and what is
going on now.
Now you know why I didn't write hundreds of words about how the courts did this and that.
After you come to know me, you'll come to a favorable conclusion, I'm sure.
Above, you'll see a picture of me. I don't think it's all that important to show one, but I
know it's better when one can put a face to words.
How do I make it through the day?
Write me and I'll tell you. But I do know this much: I could never do it alone. Never, after
all this time being locked away from my family and loved ones. I still relive the things that
happened that day. The pain it has caused everyone. So many emotional thoughts bombard
my senses; anger, hopelessness, but the reality of me dying on a table and not in a warrior's
death is kind of heartwrenching. To be here, one of the herd, waiting to be led to slaughter
in the human slaughterhouse, is hard.
I watch as men I ate with, laughed with, enjoyed their company are marched off. There is
nothing I can do. Knowing they'll not be coming back, I sometimes think that this is my
punishment - to wait and watch. I've even, at one time, asked myself if I would be better off
dead now, while I'm still sane and whole. Believe me, it's a battle that not just anyone can
win. Just to maintain your sanity, you have to reassert yourself daily.
As I wake in the morning, I ask myself, "Will I remember getting up and the first thing I
did?" If I could, then that means I made it intact another day. Here, nothing is promised.
Live for now, because tomorrow is a mirage and it never comes.
We all should learn to put service first and gain after. Would this be called elevating virtue?
Attack your own evils, not those of others! Is this not purging the evil? Suppose you forget
yourself and affect your relatives because of temporary fits of anger, lust, greed... is that
not confusion?
I'll leave you with one more saying from Confucius:
'A disciple asked Confucius about humaneness.
Confucius said, "Love people."
Then the disciple asked about knowledge.
Confucius said, "Know people."
The disciple didn't understand.
Confucius said, "Promote the honest. Place them over the crooked and you can cause the
crooked to straighten out."
Thank you for your time spent reading my words. As I said, I will answer all letters and
answer all questions. But I warn you - if you truly don't want the truth about something,
don't ask. I'll be brutally honest. If you ask something heartwrenching, then be prepared!
Seeking,
Jose Medellin
You can write to Jose at the following address:
Mr. Jose Medellin, #999134
Terrell Unit DR
12002 FM 350 South
Livingston, Texas
USA 77351
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