Have I been in West Virginia Too Long?

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WINDOWS 98 WEST VIRGINIA EDITION MICROSOFT ALERT Dear Consumers: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 WEST VIRGINIA EDITION may have accidentally been shipped outside of WEST VIRGINIA. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The West Virginia edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of General Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazard screen saver. Also note: The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse." My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption." Dial-Up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys." Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard." Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive." Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs." Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up. CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN WEST VIRGINIA EDITION: OK: ats aw-right Cancel: piss on it Reset: try er agin Yes: yep No: noop Find: hunt fer it Go to: over yonder Back: back yonder Help: hep me out here Stop: kwitit Start: crank er up Settings: sittins Programs: stuff at duz stuff Documents: stuff I done did Also note that WEST VIRGINIA EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks. Some programs that are exclusive to Winders 98: tiperiter: a word processing program colerin book: a graphics program cyferin mersheen: calculator outhouse paper: notepad jupe-box: CD Player iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 4.0 pichers: A graphics viewer irs: MS accounting software irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files tax records: usually an empty file You'll recognize WINDERS 98 WEST VIRGINIA EDITION as it comes pre-loaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide Web. Fishin': Bass Anglers Sportsman Society NRA: National Rifle Association Shotgun: Remington Arms home page Riffel: Winchester home page Pisstul: Smith & Wesson home page Truck: Ford & Chevy dealers in WEST VIRGINIA by zip code House: Mobile home repair services and movers by zip code Cuzzins: Complete database of WEST VIRGINIA residents (extremely long download time) Bud: List of Budweiser distributors by zip code Rasin: NASCAR racing schedule with TV stations that carry the race Doc: veterinarians by zip code coon dog: American kennel club records We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the WEST VIRGINIA EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all y'all. Billy Bob Gates Head Honcho

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