An event of my life i wont forget **
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When we arrived home, mum sat down in the living room to watch T.V. by this time it was about 10pm on the 29th. Dad came in and handed mum a glass of wine, put his hands on her shoulders and for the first time in my whole life I saw my father cry, he said "sorry dear but he has gone". My uncle had died.
Mum rung Luke and told him, and he was upset, as you'd expect of course. The next day was hectic trying to organize our selves and come to terms with it all. We had about 3 days to get down there, the funeral was delayed till after New Years as things would run smoother after then. The funeral was booked for Saturday 3rd of January. The next day, we asked Luke if he was able to get some time off work to come down to the funeral, he said he couldn’t as he had a few weekends off a while back and had to make up for them. So that night Luke a few of his mates, mum, dad and I had a big meal of fish and chips. Just like an early new years feast as we would’nt be all together on new Years night, we had alot of fun, Luke and I, being utter dorks, and yeah just having fun, after we packed up the car and got ready to leave, it was about 5:30pm, (mum likes to drive at night as the traffic is lighter) anyways we were all ready to leave, and we were in the living room saying good bye to everyone, and Luke handed me a cute fluffy teddy bear, and said the word’s I will never forget: "if anything happens to me while your away, u know I will always, always be with you, don’t forget that" I was like "oh.....How cute thanx bro" but u see I didn’t really take notice of what he said. It didn’t make any sense then.
When we arrived in Hawkes bay, it was around 4-5am; we went to Waipawa a small country town where my mum and her family grew up,
My mum and dad stayed at my grandmothers house, and when it got lighter, and to a respectable hour of the day, I stayed at my best friends house, Sarah McDonald, who I grew up with when we lived in Waipukurau, Another small town next to Waipawa. It was so good to see her; we had lots of fun, as we always do when we catch up, as we probably only see eachother once or twice a year.
Quietly and very quickly the funeral crept upon us, it was a beautiful service, just as Uncle David would have wanted it. After the wake, I went back to Sarah's house and stayed there another night. While the rest of the Family had there own "special Party" for Uncle David.
The next day (Sunday 4th January 1998) I woke up, and had a very weird feeling, but I just shrugged it off, thinking it may be just I didn’t get enough sleep of something. Sarah her brothers Jamie and Nicholas and I went swimming at the river and had great fun all day, it was terrific.
When we got home, all puffed out from swimming and running around all day, we sat down to watch a movie, just as I was sitting down, I had this again really weird, strange, very uncomfortable feeling come over me, like something was wrong, and also the bone carving Luke had given me for Christmas that had just past, was very warm, and I mean it wasn’t inside my shirt so it wasn’t body heat. So was freaking abit, but didn’t worry too much. I mean if something were wrong I would have known by then because someone would have rung me. Then Sarah's mum came in and asked me if I wanted to stay another night, then go back to Grandma's the next day as we were going home on the Tuesday, I said of course, so I rung up my Grandma's where mum was, and my auntie picked up the phone, I asked for mum, and she said she couldn’t come to the phone. And I was oooooooook what about dad then, she said the same thing, he couldn’t come to the phone, then she said "where are you?" and I said at Sarah's place, then she said ok, ill come pick you up and you's can get some videos. I was like sweeeeet as. I then hung up from her and went and sat down.
When she arrived I got up to greet her, I walked out onto the deck and she started running towards me from the gate, I thought that was strange. She lead me inside and tried to sit me down, by this time I new something was wrong, and I was getting scared, she said " Sarah, I don’t know how to tell you this but........" I was like "what, what!?!?" (While trying to hold back tears) She said "well...Luke’s died" As soon as she said that, I feel to my knees, I was screaming and crying, all I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and die, I mean this dude, my brother, Luke, my bro, we were best mates, we had fights with the best of them, but we were just so close I could tell him everything and anything, we had play fights, he used to beat me up, but what brother's and sisters didn’t... It was all gone. Just gone like that so suddenly... After the initial shock of everything and I had calmed down a bit, my auntie Peeled me off the floor and I said good bye to Sarah and the Family, she took me back to Grandma's. When I got there, there were so many people there, my auntie’s and uncles from my mum's side, and all these old people I didn’t know. My dad was a wreck and my mum wasn’t talking. As soon as I saw mum and dad I just collapsed and broke down. My Uncle Gordon (my mums other Brother) had handled everything with the ambulance people and the police, to find out what had happened. And at that stage all we new was that he had gone into a Diabetic coma and slipped away, he was a diabetic, he got diabetes when he was 12 it was a very bad case of it. But anyways that was all we new so far. We left our car at Waipawa and we got a ride back up to Auckland with my dad’s cousin. We left Hawkes Bay at about 11pm and after a trip that seemed to take for ever, we finally arrived home at about 4-5am, we when arrived home, there were some of our neighbors there to greet us, they had gone over the whole house and cleaned it top to bottom for us. It was very hard for me to walk into the house as, for the fact that Luke had died in there, and that, we weren’t there. I lost a few hours of my life, because I cant remember what happened between the hours of 5 am and about 9 am. It’s just a blur. The Police arrived to give us a report on what had happened "officially" and I did not expect it at all when I was told the news, by the police woman, she handed me a few pieces of paper, and I started to read the first two words "I've snapped" and I knew what had happened. He had committed Suicide. I broke down, I couldn’t handle it, and I must have cried in my parent’s arms for a good 10 minutes. He took pills, his reason: He was very sick with diabetes, he had been for a long time, and the trips into hospital were to frequent for me to count, but he was very ill. He was dying. And he couldn’t handle the pain anymore, as his liver, kidneys and central nervous system had broken down, we did not know this until after he had died as because of the privacy act he did not want my parents to know. So our doctor was not allowed to tell them. He left a very beautiful note saying how much he loved us all. After all our friend’s, neighbors and relly's arrived we sorted out the funeral plans, and had him come home, he looked so peaceful. The funeral was for the Thursday 8th of January 4 days after he died, he stayed in the house for 3 days.
The day of the funeral came so quickly, I don’t really remember the time in between, and my mind was just so boggled and lost.
It was I must say, the worst day of my life, and I was only 13 I was so young and never thought I would be experiencing that sort of thing so soon in my life.
It was a rather big funeral; relly's came in from everywhere, lots of friend’s family and loved ones. He was buried on a hill over looking the town of Glen Eden, which is by coincidence where he used to share a flat with his mates. (Luke was looking after our house while we were away. so he died at home)
Now...it is nearly 4 years later. I am now 17. It is still so very hard. It was and still is a long battle to come to deal with. I don’t really know how to explain the feeling of losing someone so close, but now I know what he meant when he gave me the teddy bear, and for a long time, I blamed myself for not realizing what he meant. But I what I have learned is this: things happen for a reason, and I cant sit here and say I was to blame, because I wasn’t, I didn’t know. So everyone who is reading this...PLEASE if u love someone tell him or her, you never know what will happen. I know what it is like to lose someone so close, and to have to go through the pain of knowing may have been able to change things, yes I could have changed things, but only for a short while, he would have found another day to do it.
Please if anyone has been through this, and/or is going through this, it is so helpful and healing to talk to someone who knows what your going through...I know...and I care...its a long hard battle I’m still battling...knowing he wont be there for my 21st, he wont be a uncle to my children when I have kids, he wont be at me wedding.
But please people I’m serious I am here to talk to if you need me. I know what you’re going through.
I may have lost my only brother, but I have gained lots and lots of surrogate (unsure of spelling on that one) brothers. His friends are great to me.
Well I’m sorry this is so long, I really didn’t think it would have taken me this long. But now u know the story and know I’m here.
I know he is not coming back, but it still hurts when I think about how I miss the fact that he used to beat me up, and call me names, and our long discussions about things that made no sense, and crawling around laughing more by the minutes, I will miss them deeply. But I cant dwell on what we had, but instead embrace them into graceful memories, And think of the rip roaring party I’m gunna have with him, when I pass over into the life after death.
I love you Luke; I miss you deeply and will always remember you. There is so much more I could say. There is so much more I could tell you all, but there are just to many laughs to many vesse's, I would have to make a new category on forward garden.
So with that I will leave you all in peace. Please everyone take care, with every person you dislike there are two that love you.
Please if there is anyone out there that knows how I’m feeling and has been through this or even if you’re just curious please e-mail me... ooppssyy@hotmail.com
Thank you for reading...
Love Sarah
*~*~*~ Luke Shelton ~*~*~*
08041980-04011998
REST IN PEACE FOREVER
"Everlong" "AHA"
"Carved upon my stone,
My body lies,
But still I roam.
Where ever I may roam" - Metallica "wherever I may roam"
Also Quoted on the bottom of his suicide note.
"There is nothing as healing, as the expectation of something better tomorrow"
Submitted by ooppssyy@hotmail.com 57
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