I dont know why!?!

Get Rich Quick

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* I really dont know why I feel this way but I do!!!! I feel like I'm nothing, and that I cant do anything right! I really cant! All I do is CRY!! and I think about anything but whats going wrong and then I get more and more depressed and I cant get myself out of it!I hate this feeling but theres nothing that I can do about I just feel this way! ALL THE TIME! I cut myself all over! bc I dont know what else to do to make the pain go away! i guess in a way its like being grounded for doing something wrong! Ya know? I feel like no one cares! and I really dont think anyone does! All I do is love people and all they can do is treat me like shit and never love me back! I wish that there could be one friend and one guy that would come into my life and be my world! I would do anything for that! To just have one person love me for me and not say bad things! and someone who will always care and love me no matter what! A friend through it all!!! Why cant I have this!!?? I dont ask for much! I just want someone to love and for once just once they love me back for everything that I AM!!! I want to die ALL the time!! I feel that everything would be 10 times better if I wasent here anymore! who would care? who does? no one! Thats how I look at it! If I love someone they never love me back! and I dont know how much more I can deal with!!! My mom told me that it says in the bible that god wont ever put too much on your shoulders! but then why do I feel this WAY?! AH! HELP!!!!
But..If I do decide that I want to die! Well..I do want to but If I finally do it! then I want all of the people I love to know how I feel b4 I go!! even if I dont do it and if i die! atleast you all will know how much I loved them!!
This is to my BABY! Matt! Listen baby! I know that we've BENN through ALOT! but I love you more than anyone and I ALWAYS will you will always be in my heart baby! and I TRIED soo HARD to stop hurting myself FOR YOU! but for some reason I CANT! I want to be with you but you act like you dont care! you get mad at me for everyting and act like I'm not there!! I LOVE YOU SOO MUCH! AND YOU ARE MY BABY! AND FOREVER IN MY HEART YOU'LL BE!! I would give you ANYTHING! I just wish you'd love me back!!! forveer in my heart baby! FOREVER! :)
KIM!* Hey girl! You are MY BEST FRIEN! and I love you SOO MUCH! and dont worry you have done all that you can! Yeah! we have had our share of fights but never did we PART! I love you! always remember that! and DONT forget me! Good luck with everything and I hope that thing get better for you!
Steph G! HEY BABYCAKES! I love you and you will always be one of MY BEST FRIENDS! no matter what! we have been thourgh soo much together and I hope things are ok! Since we never talk anymore you dont even know I feel the way I do! but remember I love you and your my girl!
MEGS! I love you GIRL! foreva! and PLEASE! GET BETTER! i love you ALL SO MUCH! FRIENDS FOREVER!
Chris!
Hey listen no matter what you have said in the past or how you said I do this for attention! I will always forgive you and you will always be a part of me no matter what! I lovw you no matter what you say or do! and No matter what you will always be my BOO!
Austin* I dont care! Just listen to me for ONCE! YOu were MY FIRST TRUE LOVE! and YOU WERE MY FIRST! I love you soo much! and even though we fought alot! I always will hunny!!!! Always and Forever! I will never forget you! Love you!
MOM! Thanx you for everything! you taught me soo many things and you alos let me find out and lrean things on my own also thanx you for that! thats the one thing that I always wanted for dad! but he never understands! I love you too dad! evenj though things werent the best between us! I still love you! I LOVE YOU MOM! SO MUCH! dont worry about me! I'll be alright!! if worst comes to worst I'll see you in a later life but thanx for everything I LOVE YOU BOTH! and Ashley! My baby sister! All of this should teach you a lession and life is full of them! learn from my mistakes and even moms and try not to make the same ones but remember what you do is your choice and no one can stop the way you feel! also! if you fall inlove or for that matter if anyone says anything to put you down! forget it they wont matter later on in life! It really wont! I love you my baby sister! Be good! have FUN! learn your lessions!
G-MA! Thanx you soo MUCH! you have always been here for me you and mom! I dont know what I would of donr without you two! I love you BOTH SOO MUCH!
TO ALL of OTHERS friends! I LOVE YOU ALL SOO MUCH! and maybe bc of your love I wont do anything stupid maybe I will just die of something else but if I do you all know how I feel and what I have felt! I LOVE YOU ALL! THANX FOR ALL THE GOOD TIMES!!! BRAD COLBEY ADAM MATT H ALAN MARK JACQUES NICK BRAD K! I LOVE YOU ALL! and I ALWAYS WILL! IN MY HEARTS A TON OF MEMORIES AND IN MY HEART THE ALWAYS WILL BE!!! NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! I LOVE YOU FORVER! AND MATT HUNNY! I HOPE THAT SOMEDAY YOU'LL REALIZE I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND ITS SOOO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE!

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