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Fatherly Advice
Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the
wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You
say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?"
The wife replies, "It's my husband -- he's driving me crazy!
I'm going to leave him if he continues!"
"How does he drive you crazy?"
"For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things.
First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and
refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing."
The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"
"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!"
"Hmm, anything else?"
The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets
me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!"
"Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now."
So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. The
counselor tells him, "Your wife says that you've been driving
her crazy. She might even leave you."
The husband looks shocked, "WHAT? For 20 years I've been loving
and considerate and I've always given her what she wants! What
could be the problem?"
The counselor explains, "She says that you've got these habits
that are driving her crazy. First, you're always acting strange
in public--looking at the floor and never going near anyone else."
The husband looks concerned, "Oh, you don't understand! It's
one of the few things my father told me to do in his deathbed
and I swore I'd obey everything he said."
"What did he say?"
"He said that I should never step on anyone's toes!"
The counselor looks amused, "Actually, that means that you should
not do anything that would cause anyone else to get angry."
The husband looks sheepish, "Oh. Okay."
The counselor continues, "And you keep picking your nose in public."
"Well, its another thing my father specifically commanded me to
do! He told me to always keep my nose clean."
The counselor looks faint, "That means that you should not indulge
in any criminal activity."
"Oh," says the husband looking very stupid.
"And finally, she says that you never allow her to be on top
during your lovemaking."
"This," says the husband seriously, "is the last thing my father
commanded me to do on his deathbed and it's the most important
thing."
"What did he say?"
The husband replies, "In his dying breath, he said. Don't
screw up."
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