|
Burma-Shave
Rating: PG
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
I really miss these signs. Half the trip was to catch a Burma Shave sign and be able to read it fast enough. Sadly, Burma Shave signs are but a faint, fading memory. At their peak, they were in 45 of the "continental" 48 states (all except Massachusetts, where the foliage was considered too thick, and two southwestern states where the traffic was considered too sparse).
For those of you too young (and unfortunate) to remember the Burma-Shave signs, they were small rectangular signs, not much bigger than a large bumper sticker, of white lettering on a dark red background. There were usually five or six of these signs along the roadside (before today's interstates), spaced about five hundred feet apart. There were only a few words on each sign, and together, they related a(usually) witty saying. The final sign usually had "Burma-Shave" in the stylized writing of the product's logo.
In 1964, Philip Morris bought Burma Shave and its MBA types decided that the $200,000/year they spent to erect and maintain signs would go much farther if spent on television advertising instead. So they pulled up all the signs, destroying one of the few things that made those long trips bearable.
And the TV ads did, uh, what for the Burma Shave brand ?
His cheek
Was rough
His chick vamoosed
And now she won't
Come home to roost
Burma-Shave
The place to pass
On curves
You know
Is only at
A beauty show
Burma-Shave
On curves ahead
Remember, sonny
That rabbit's foot
Didn't save
The bunny
Burma-Shave
Twinkle, twinkle
One-eyed car
We all wonder
WHERE you are
Burma-Shave
These signs
We gladly Dedicate
To men who've had
No date of late
Burma-Shave
A guy
Who drives
A car wide open
Is not thinkin'
He's just hopin'
Burma-Shave
A whiskery kiss
For the one
You adore
May not make her mad
But her face will be sore
Burma-Shave
His brush is gone
So what'll we do
Said Mike Robe I
To Mike Robe II
Burma-Shave
If your peach
Keeps out Of reach
Better practice
What we preach;
Burma-Shave
When Super-shaved
Remember, pard
You'll still get slapped
But not so hard
Burma-Shave
Burma-Shave
Was such a boom
They passed
The bride
And kissed the groom;
Burma Shave
To kiss A mug
That's like a cactus
Takes more nerve
Than it does practice
Burma-Shave
The whale
Put Jonah
Down the hatch
But coughed him up
Because he scratched
Burma-Shave
Violets are blue
Roses are pink
On graves
Of those
Who drive and drink
Burma-Shave
Candidate says
Campaign Confusing
Babies kiss me
Since I've been using
Burma-Shave
My job is
Keeping faces clean
And nobody knows
De stubble
I've seen
Burma-Shave
Doesn't Kiss you
Like she useter?
Perhaps she's seen
A smoother rooster!!
Burma-Shave
No use Knowing
How to pick 'em
If your half-shaved
Whiskers stick 'em
Burma-Shave
He tried To cross
As fast train neared
Death didn't draft him
He volunteered
Burma-Shave
Her chariot
Raced 80 per
They hauled away
What had
Ben Her
Burma-Shave
She will
Flood your face
With kisses
'Cause you smell
So darn delicious
Burma-Shave Lotion
Use Burma-Shave
In tube Or jar
Then follow up
With our new star
Burma-Shave Lotion
It has a tingle
And a tang
That starts
The day off
With a bang
Burma-Shave Lotion
Bracing as
An ocean breeze
For after shaving
It's sure
to please
Burma-Shave Lotion
For early Morning
Pep and bounce
A brand new product
We announce
Burma-Shave Lotion
The ladies
Take one whiff
And purr--
It's no wonder
Men prefer
Burma-Shave Lotion
His face
Was smooth
And cool as ice
And oh! Louise!
He smelled so nice
Burma-Shave Lotion
I'd heard it praised
By drug store clerks
I tried the stuff
Hot dog!
It works
Burma-Shave
Train wrecks few
Reason clear
Fireman
Never hugs
Engineer
Burma-Shave
Altho insured
Remember, kiddo
They don't pay you
They pay
Your widow
Burma-Shave
Beneath this stone
lies Elmer Glush
Tickled to death
by his shaving brush
Burma-Shave
They missed the turn
car was whizzin'
Fault was her'n
Funeral his'n
Burma-Shave
Within this vale
of toil and sin
your head grows bald
but not your chin
Burma-Shave
Dear Lover boy
your photo came
but your doggone beard
won't fit the frame
Burma-Shave
I proposed
to Ida
Ida refused
Ida won my Ida
if Id'a used
Burma-Shave
The bearded lady
tried a jar
she's now a
famous movie star
Burma-Shave
Be like a noble
Not like a knave
Caesar uses
Burma-Shave
If you want your face
To be fresh and clean
Don't do the job
With a mowing machine.
Burma-Shave
He used a match
To check gas tank
And now they call him
Skinless Frank.
Burma-Shave
Listen, birds,
These signs cost money.
So roost awhile,
but don't get funny!
Burma-Shave
"My cheek", she said,
"Is smooth as satin."
"Oh,no", he said,
"That's mine you're pattin""
Burma-Shave
If you don't know
Whose signs these are,
You haven't traveled
Very far
Burma-Shave
Asleep in a chair
Nothing to lose
But a sleep at the wheel
Is a permanent snooze
Burma-Shave
Round the corner
Lickety-split
Beautiful curve
Wasn't it
Burma-Shave
Submitted by 12
Print this forward
Rate this forward:
Bored.com
- Tons of fun stuff to do when you are bored.
MakeWebsites.com
- Free tools for creating your own website.
LifeBets.com
- Win a $100 prize by correctly predicting real life events.
Free Stuff For
Teens - Teen Freebies: video games, cd's, magazines, contests,
beauty products, posters, and more. Only lists free offers that
don't have minimum age requirements.
SearchCactus.com
- A search engine where you get money for each search that you do.
Must be at least 13 years old and a U.S. resident.
Adoptme.com
- Adopt a virtual pet.
Digitalfilms.com
- Make your own movie online for free
CheapFlowers.com
- Buy flowers online for $29.95 with no extra delivery charge or
other fees.
|
|
