MANY OF MY SUiCiDAL THOUGHTS !
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hi! i'm a 12 year old female and i have had countless thoughts of suicide over the past few years. k, it all started in about grade 5 and was the very worst in grade 6, here's how it goes: i am a very unique person, sometimes even to unique for my own good, and i am teased by peers almost 24/7 i even have like a voice in the back of my head , it dissses me all the time, but i have a few friends , my parents are very nice to me and my brother, its just a few people that have ruined my life.
see, when i was little, i heard alot of things about peer pressure and because i was always the most phisacaly strongest in the class, i thought that when i get older, peer pressure would be a sinch to overcome, you don't know how wrong i was. see, being phisacally strong wont help you at all, you need self - essteem, and you see i have unusually low self esteem, i can't take a joke somethines, its that bad.
and see, i've never actually tried or attempted suicide, but see, i get afraid when i am about to so i don't, i am afraid of nothing but that, thats the one thing holding me back, its the point that i wanna grow up a little, for once in my life get a b/f, have my first kiss, get married , have children, sounds happy , eh? but it took one person to start it, and now i have a group of people getting at my throat now, and i can't stop it, after one saw how it affected me, it spread, now life is a living hell for me sometimes!
see i wanna slit my wrists, show my friends the wound, to show them how serious i am about this matter, so that they belive me. but whenwver i hold the blade to my wrists, after reading some of these stories on how people survived and that there aren't many of them, then when i hold it to my wrist or think about my throat, i drop it, and think about the people that would miss me, but then again, resaying that i have low self esteem, i think about the people that would miss me, but then i tyhink about how maybe my friends are using me , that maybe they never liked me at all, or that none of my realatives love me, they just pretend, then when i think of how noone would miss me, i then think about how i would miss me... and to think of my maybe future, my future might hold so much and if i take the wrong turn , it would never happen. and its sad because i'm afrid, but maybe thats my destiny, to end my life.... but i can't its my only fear... but then i want you all to think about this, how torturing my life is, i want you to think real hard.....
Submitted by x_out_of_the_blue_x@hotmail.com 57
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