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Buying gifts for men
Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as
it is for women. Follow these rules and you should
have no problems.
Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does
not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who
owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can
never have too many cordless drills. No one knows
why.
Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him
anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men
love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I
borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you
through with my 3/8 inch socket yet?" Again, no one
knows why.
Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for
his car. A 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of
de-icer or something to hang from his rear view
mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows
why.
Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And
never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had
wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have
invented Jockey shorts.
Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the
ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money
buy your man a big screen TV with the little picture
in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and
flips, and flips.
Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you
do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men
drink whiskey or beer.
Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial sized canisters of
after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink
- they are earthy.
Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless
drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels
absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups.
Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No
one knows why.
Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly
required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and
he will always have parts left over.
Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron
Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV
Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and
Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it
is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need.
Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane?
Wow! Thanks.")
Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but
they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a
100 pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks.
"Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a
hamburger?"
Rule #12:
Tickets to a NY Giants game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A
Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows
why.
Rule #13:
Men love chain saws. Never, ever, buy a man you love
a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to
Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.
Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an
aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a
step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one
knows why.
Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy
origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says
love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one
knows why
Rule #16: Clamps. Men can never have enough quick grip clamps.
No one knows why.
Rule #17: Buy your man Duct Tape. This is a man's most
universal repair tool. All men know, if you can't fix it, duct
it.
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