Tabloidium
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Recent research into certain improbable, not to say implausible events has forced the development of an explanation involving the existence of a previously unknown element.
Research into the properties of the minerals maxwellite and murdochite has led to the conclusion that these can only be explained by the existence of a previously unknown element with some very curious qualities:
This hypothetical substance appears to dramatically increase the intensity of any reaction it comes into contact with, sometimes to the extent of causing unpredictable explosions.
If stimulated by a changing environment it fluoresces “negative light” spreading darkness all around itself.
All mathematics concerning this substance involve the lowest common denominator to an unfeasible degree.
The substance may be narcotic as exposed humans tend to adopt behaviours that are either actually or apparently (There is often confusion as to which.) socially unacceptable.
This element has been tentatively christened “Tabloidium” and efforts are proceeding to fit it into the established periodic table without, at present any great success. One group of the research team feels that Tabloidium may be akin to the rare earth’s but with a common touch. However, a larger group suggests the creation of an entirely new group of elements, the “Ignoble gases” probably for want of a better idea.
Sources of Tabloidium
It is becoming apparent that Tabloidium is not actually scarce and it is remarkable that something so common could remain unnoticed for so long. It has been suggested that the elements almost complete lack of substance enabled it to escape the notice of those capable of weighty thought until growing ubiquity thrust it upon the attention of the scientific community.
The first major deposit to exploit the world (Another curious reversal.) was a large, near spherical lode of maxwellite believed to originate somewhere in central Europe. This remained the main source of Tabloidium in Britain until mismanagement led to a near melt-down. This was only prevented by copious aqueous flooding leaving the deposit drowned to this day and the consequences of this disaster are still felt by those unfortunate enough to have been involved.
Tabloidium is now chiefly sourced from a deposit of murdochite of antipodean origin. This source has the advantage that its refractory nature makes total melt-down unlikely. The disadvantage is that the integrity of the material (In the physical rather than the moral sense) makes it extremely difficult to separate out the toxic by-products present with tragic results in a number of cases.
Submitted by jgpotamus@hotmail.com 30
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