|
Commuters Lament
Rating: PG-13
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
Varily I sayeth unto thee, "Iseth it me, or doest the language of ancient
scripture givest thee a migrane too?"
Last week, someone told me that the only proper way of addressing God in
personal prayer was with archaic form, as in "Spareth me thy unspeakable
wrath, Oh Lord, for I am butteth a worm, yea even unto a small one."
Not even. How I talk to God is my business. Which, by the way, I have been
doing a lot lately. Anyone who commutes to and frometh work along the
Wasatch Front has probably been praying in their own way. Or at least
calling on the name of God a lot.
Speaking of whicheth, someone sent me a copy of the "Commuter's Lament."
It's written in spiritual grammar, so it must work.
Harken unto my voice, all of you, and learn from my misfortune. For I have
dallied too long over "Good Morning America" and now I pay the price. Yea,
verily, it is rush hour.
And though I falleth upon my steering wheel and weep most piteously, I
goeth not forward upon the highway. And lo! There is a wailing and
gnashing of teeth, for clients do await me at the office, and my boss doth
curse my name most horribly.
And woe unto us all who do travel in the valley of the shadow of road
construction. For, verily, I am stopped near the
Machine-That-Makes-Pounding-Noises-For-No-Reason, and soon the pain in my
head is as a spike through my temple.
I look around myself, and I seeth also the doom of others. For there are
many children who frolic in back seats, and who do cry out with much noise
as and angry multitude: "I am hungry." "He's sitting on my side!" "She's
touching me!" and "Are we there yet? For pee we must, and mightily!"
And after having suffered these trials and tribulations, I arrive at my
company's parking lot; but there are those who parketh crookedly, and do
taketh up two spaces with one car, for fear others will smite their doors.
And there are those vehicles of an unnaturally large aspect that are
puffed up and bear a multitude of bumper stickers.
These cars are an abomination and pestilence in my eyes, for they causeth
me to park far from all mankind, out in the blasted wilderness. I must
walk many leagues, with my briefcase heavy upon me, and the lessons of
this day burned into my soul.
When at last I reach my office, I fall upon my brother's neck and weep
with joy. For I know that at the end of the day, I shall not wander about
as a sheep who has not a shepherd. My car will not be lost in the
wilderness and hidden unto me, because by the time I am freed from my
great travails, evening rush hour will be long over, and mine will be the
only car left in the parking lot.
Amen.
Submitted by 24
Print this forward
Rate this forward:
Bored.com
- Tons of fun stuff to do when you are bored.
MakeWebsites.com
- Free tools for creating your own website.
LifeBets.com
- Win a $100 prize by correctly predicting real life events.
Free Stuff For
Teens - Teen Freebies: video games, cd's, magazines, contests,
beauty products, posters, and more. Only lists free offers that
don't have minimum age requirements.
SearchCactus.com
- A search engine where you get money for each search that you do.
Must be at least 13 years old and a U.S. resident.
Adoptme.com
- Adopt a virtual pet.
Digitalfilms.com
- Make your own movie online for free
CheapFlowers.com
- Buy flowers online for $29.95 with no extra delivery charge or
other fees.
|
|
