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congradulations you've been accepted
Rating:
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
HARVARD:
Congradulations! The sacrifice of a social life was worth it! Now, you can spend four years creating exciting new math formulas late into the night behind prestigious leaf or as we like to boast, ivy, covered brick walls. Yeah!
PRINCETON:
Felicitation! As we sipped our bubbly champagne and chomped our endangered-species caviar, we came to a decision. The staff at Princeton has been so gracious as to allow YOU admission to the most highly selective university in the nation! Oh, we are so choosy, we don't let just anybody in. Do you know how hard it is to get in. It is really difficult. Let me tell you that you should be honored. (Continues in the same self-praising pattern for the rest of the letter.)
YALE:
Congra- --don't have time to type!---NO! Blood loss is too great.--Bullet wound has no exit. ---Call 911.
DARTMOUTH:
Congrafulashuns! YOU diiiiddd, excuse my urine spot at the endd of this letter. See, friday night was wild. I tink I drank too much vodka. --I should stop. Anyways, in celebration of your acceptance, we're gonna open another bottle of Jack Daniels.
MIT:
For fun, we have included the following math formula: 234x+123^e log83.5y =2.2%z -xyz^23. If x= -1.3242^95 then you are admitted, if its x= 234.34^23 then you are rejected. Please solve the equation to find out your results!
CALTECH:
Concradoulations! You've make it to only school that value Calculus more than MIT. You've made it to the school whose primary importance is Math. You see. That why we can't spell that gooh.
UPENN: Congradulations! I am not only happy to inform you that you have been admitted to Penn, but also I'm happy to say that the Center City Rapist has been caught! And the Center City Rapist Copy-Cat is close to being caught! Furthermore, Philadelphia's intercity pollution and violent crime rate has dropped by a grand total of .0003%!
STANFORD: Dude, surf is like totally up. You are in! Cowabunga! Now lets drink some cooliers, put on khakis that don't fit, and invent different uses of the word "dude".
DUKE: Your athletic abilities are fantastic! Would you like an athletic scholarship? If you can't read this, then you can have your coach read this to you. Don't worry, we won't write anymore, Duke doesn't like big words either.
CORNELL: Congradulations! We are happy to say that the state will allow us to admit you after one minor proceedure. One CAT scan will reveal whether you have jump-off-bridge tendancies and whether or not extremely high stress levels and aggressive, often violent competition effects you greatly.
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