1 Girl..That Just Doesnt Know What To Do

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Hi, my name is chelsea brindley, this is my 2nd entry into the suicide category.. and i dont feel any better ... but i just wanted to let ppl know... that anyone can be in depression...

Me for instance ... who would've thought the bright, blue eyed girl.. who's on all the school teams, gets nearly straight A's ... and one of the most popular girls in her school would have these feelings inside of her? .. who would've thought the one that always got in trouble for laughing in class, would be the one who has this immense amount of pain and hurt inside of her...
..I dont think anyone would've thought that of me...

In the last two years, gr.7 and 8 my grades have began to drop.. not dramatically.. but noticeably... i rarely do my work.. i'll just sit there and think.. lately, about suicide..

I dont know what to do... i dont know if i can take the pain of cutting my wrists ... but i dont know if i can take the emotional pain that i have built up inside of me either...

I wish it was all just a dream, an awful dream..but it's not .. and the only things keeping me alive are my friends,family and the curiousity i have of living.. like where i'll be in 10 yrs... but that too, is slowly fading away to the point that i dont know if i'll care wether or not i'll be in my grave in 10 yrs... hell, at this rate, i'd give it maybe 6 months...

There's one friend in particular that's keeping me alive.. they all do their part.. but dan, he's amazing.. he's the best friend i've ever had, and he's the only one that can relate to my feelings... dan, i know you probably wont read this, but if you ever do.. i love you, i love you as more then a friend, and i have since i ever first met you, and i just want you to know.. if anything ever did happen to you, that would make up my mind right there... i'd be gone instantly.. and if i ever do anything to myself, i just want you to know that i love you, and i always will..

And to anyone that reads this.. or is also thinking the same thoughts as me.. or has slit their wrists... i'd like to hear from you.. i've never done it before, and im kind of scared... but i dont know what else i can do.. i havent eaten in over a month.. but it doenst seem to be helping... and im sorry this is incredibly long... but i just dont know what to do anymore..

Thanks,
chelsea brindley


Submitted by unbelievable987@hotmail.com 57


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