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1 AAhhh.. No one understands...SUICIDE..by:Sammy-Jo
Rating:
Quality: (Quality: Unrated)
What do you do when you’re not happy anymore and when smiling feels like a chore? I had no one who understood completely yet people said, “I know what you’re going through.” I grew up in a perfect family until my dad started to hit me for the most stupid reasons. Then one day when my mom was out of town he beat me nearly to death and through me in the basement and locked me down there. When my mom got home two days later she found me and called the cops on my father. My father “went away” for awhile and I felt it was my entire fault. After I found out my mom and him got a divorce and he moved to New York, I felt like I was the one who broke our family apart. That is when I took my first attempt to kill myself. Then things finally got better and I started to get my life back together. I became one of the more popular kids at our school so I thought I needed to retain a good reputation and a good image. That’s when I met Phil and I decided I would do whatever it takes to keep him attracted to me. I started to throw up after every meal and exercise constantly. I was completely in love with Phil. I was very serious about him and I know he once loved me back. Unfortunately, he cheated on me, and my world ended there. That is when I became suicidal. I couldn’t figure out what I did so wrong so I had to punish myself for it. I began lining up the pills, Effexor, Lithium, Ativan, Paxil, Tylenol 3's, Tylenol with codeine, Coumadins, and Advil... they were all there so I downed them all. As I sat there on the bathroom floor, drenched in tears, I closed my eyes hoping that this would be the last painful moment of life on earth. A few hours later which only seemed like a few seconds I hear the phone ring realizing my attempt was painfully unsuccessful. I weakly bring myself to my knees and over the toilet. As my stomach jerks I start to puke up what feels like the only thing in my body. I stand up and drag myself into my bedroom. I get under my covers and cry myself to sleep. Then next morning I crawl out of bed realizing that I have to live through another day of the pain and all the thoughts that run through my head. I didn’t know what to do. Then I started talking to my friend Darin. We were never really close before, but for the next hour he made me realize what I had. At that time I was thinking about suicide. The only thing I could think about was what I did wrong, but Darin was there for me and help me realize Phil wasn’t worth it. Over the next few days he was the only person I wanted to talk to. My only inspiration to keep me from trying to take my life again. He helped me get over the one person in my life that always dragged me down. Now I regret every moment that I spent depressed. One person saved me and I am forever grateful for him. I learned that if you think no one loves you, you are wrong, because there is always someone out there that will listen. You should never do something that you know you will regret. So this goes out to my hero who is such a special guy. My true guardian angel. Thank you
Submitted by fur2fuzz@aol.com 57
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